I can express feelings of euphoria and the deepest pain.
I can write of whimsy, love, and darkness.
I can describe imagery so anyone who reads can picture it in their minds eye.
But what I can't do is create friendships, particularly with women...
I spent most of my youth unable to leave the house, controlled in action and thought by a manipulator parent.
I wasn't allowed to play outside, have sleepovers, make friends.
I was instead, a care taker, a maid, a bookish recluse kept at home to answer any call to do something for my mother.
When I rebelled, her abuse kept me in line and in the house.
I never had an opportunity to socialize outside of a school environment.
Because of this, I lack many fundamental building blocks of social exchange...
With this and often crippling anxiety it became impossible to keep people in my life.
Men we always easier to befriend because my mother was far from feminine and I understood them better.
But without an understanding of how women communicate with each other in a healthy way, I haven't been able to keep female friends.
All I've wanted is a strong female friend who can see past my problems and stick around, who can tell me when I'm being crazy, who can be there during heartbreak,
who can have amazing adventures with me, try new things together, and be there for each others glow up.
I want to be able to befriend a woman and not end up running away, or pushing them away, because I don't know how to open up.
I just need help...