music: You'll Believe Matti Cupelli
Fenris read the letter again and again. His hands were shaking. His vision was getting blurry.
"I regret to inform you.." He mumbled. "..that Hawke was lost in the Fade."
He swallowed. His throat tightening. He couldn't breathe.
Lost? What did he mean 'lost'?
He spelled his way through Varric's writing for more clues, but he had kept it simple and to the point. He knew what Varric meant to say. But his wording implied Hawke could be found.
Lost, not dead.
He can't be dead.
As the blood drained from his face a wave of cold rushed through him. His legs gave out and he fell to his knees, crying out.
No. No. Please no!
White dots danced before his eyes and his vision narrowed. All sound stopped. He could feel his heart pounding. Struggling for air. Then darkness.
A hand stroking his cheek.
A wry smile.
A stolen kiss.
His fingers through short brown hair.
I regret to inform you..
The vision of Hawke was yanked away.
He was on all fours heaving over his stomach content. Cold sweat trickled down his neck and pearled on his forehead. Tears welled up. He curled up in a fetal position on the floor, shaking.
Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest.
I'm the one who is lost.
"If he is lost I will find him!"
"Elf. Fenris. Friend. He is gone."
"Did you see him die?"
"Then I will find him!"
"The rift is gone. That part of the Fade collapsed. Even if he beat the demon.." Varric threw up his arms and then let them fall to his sides. "It's suicide!"
"You will have this Inquisitor open a way for me, it's all I ask."
"Listen. Hawke wouldn't want you to throw your life away."
The elf was undeterred. A feverish fire burned in his eyes. His lyrium hadn't stopped glowing since he barged into the keep.
"Have you even slept since you got my letter? Why am I even asking you, you're not listening.."
"The rift. I need to go there." Fenris would not let himself be stopped.
"I will.. I will ask."
Somehow Varric had convinced the Inquisitor to open the rift for Fenris. He did not even have to spin a tale. Not that he wanted to. He told the truth.
The elf, Hawke's love and heart, was mad with grief. He only wanted this one thing. Nothing else.
They stood on a windy hill at the base of the collapsed tower. Fenris was a bit further ahead. Hunched over, his cloak torn, face ragged. His lyrium pulsating.
"Are you sure about this?" Asked the Inquisitor one last time.
"Just let him go." Sighed Varric. As much as it pained him to see the elf do this, he understood. It was just something about those two. They completed each other.
Fenris would never be whole again without his Hawke.
The Inquisitor raised his fist. An emerald glow tore the air asunder. A tear in reality manifested in front of the elf. Fenris turned and gave Varric a nod.
"Best of luck, friend.." Varric mumbled.
Fenris leapt through the gap and the rift sealed. He was gone.
It was with even heavier heart that Varric returned to Skyhold with the Inquisitor. He cursed at himself for caving to Fenris' wish.
Then again there wasn't anything one could do when the elf made up his mind. Only.. only Hawke had that ability.
Tragedy wasn't his thing but he promised himself to tell their story.