As a kid, I always wished to know how it feels to be responsible and in a serious love story maybe I had a big imagination.
I'm not a very good writer but I reached a point where I need to let out the pain in my chest and express it through it.
I fight myself every single day to be able to love myself first than anyone else,
but every time I succeed I trip in a relationship that breaks me into many pieces and I do learn from it but what if one of them doesn't wanna leave you and you just sit there and cry from
the how strong it's killing your heart slowly by remembering all the good times, laughs and romantic moments that made you feel loved for once,
Just remembering it makes you smile because you know you were once happy but then looking at the other hand that this is no longer there, wow the pain,
tears and just the ache of the soul and I just don't know what to do because I am broken and I can't find a way to fix this when the second party disappeared that you even don't know if
they're doing fine or feeling bad for you or moved on or etc ... such a mess of a person I am
Do you ever feel like drinking and getting these emotions and feeling of courage that yes I can text this person now because why not,
why not tell him/her how you feel and yes maybe you will get rejected or ignored because at that time they're not on the same level as you are but yeah maybe if they were they would
have spoken too maybe not I don't even know?
I have spent the past couple of weeks just me, my depression, thoughts, and pain in my room not being able to deal with anyone, not even my family,
I feel like I'm starting to hate the world because of him and where is he in all of this?
not even bothering maybe, I can't give excuses to him forever, I mean he broke me down, down so hard that I really wished he would just feel this burn.
And yes I have this fear in my head that I am so scared and terrified to see him moved on with another person because this person shouldn't really feel happy with someone else but me and only me.
I sound so selfish but I am not I just loved him like more than anything.
You probably wonder what was the reason behind this break-up,
it was the fear of commitment not from my side but his and the thing I really wasn't the one who spoke to him about this but it was a third party and he knew it is not my fault but yes you
still left and never looked back to me or what could be happening to me, if someone should be called selfish that should be him. so what happened to when you told me we will be together until we are grey old!
I always say that this life is so unfair and you never really get what you want at a blink of an eye,
at first, you have to try then suffer for a long time and the result maybe you get it but there is also a chance that you won't.