Letter to the one I love
Letter to the one I love phan stories
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moonburst
moonburst Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   9 months ago
dan and phil one shot I wrote in 2012 n honestly I'm still crying

Letter to the one I love

I'm not very good at this type of thing, and you know it.

I'm only really good at making videos. But everyone's doing that. I want to do something different.

So, I've decided to write you this letter. I hope you don't mind. I just thought I'd tell you what's been happening.

But now that I think about it, not a lot has happened.

It's been pretty boring without you to be honest.

I was sitting at our breakfast bar the other day looking at the junk mail and I saw a Pet's at Home catalogue.

I flicked through it and saw that they've reduced the price of guinea pigs.

So I thought hell, why not just buy one, and I did. His name is Striker. Are you surprised?

Nah, didn't think you would be.

He's good company though. Since you left.

What's it like where you are? Are you happy? Do you have lots of friends?

If you do, then make sure you don't forget about me, Chris and Pj.

But you probably have forgotten.

You've forgotten about us, haven't you?

Well I haven't. Because us is what tore you and I apart.

I didn't want you to leave, you didn't have to go.

You didn't have to take your car keys off the bench and leave me here. I didn't mean it... What I said. I know it hurt, but I swear I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I know no matter how many times I say it, that it won't bring you back.

I know you probably can't hear me when I'm lying in bed at night; talking, crying and apologising to the empty space beside me that your warm body used to fill.

Do you remember those conversations we used to have at about 2 in the morning? They were the best.

But... It's all gone now.

If you do get this letter, promise you'll write back?

Why did you have to go for that drive?

Couldn't you have gone for a walk instead?

Please come back one day.

I miss having you around. I hate playing Sonic by myself. It isn't fun when you've got no one to blame your mistakes on.

I wish you'd give me a sign. Something to tell me you're still around and that I'm not completely alone.

Please?

Can I tell you something? Promise not to laugh, okay?

I sleep with one of your jumpers every night. It's silly really.. but I get so much comfort out of it.

It's as if you're still lying next to me, with your arms tight and content around my waist.

I still haven't found much to tell you, have I? But, there's always something to tell and.. I guess there is one thing I've left out.

I didn't really want to tell you, in case you got upset.

But, I've stopped making videos. It just isn't the same without you. It was something we did together really. Helping each other plan.

I'm sorry if this letter isn't making much sense. I haven't really thought.

Just wrote.

I've been feeling pretty numb ever since you left.

I don't feel much any more except hurt, lost and alone.

Pj and Chris looked at me as if I were crazy when they found out I talk to you like you're still in the room.

Sometimes I still get two bowls out of the cupboard and call your name.

Then I remember.

I feel like an idiot.

Sometimes I sit on your bed. And just.. Look. I look at everything. Everything that you've touched. The first thing I notice when I walk in there is the photo of you and I on your 20th birthday.

It's the one where you were wearing that ridiculous scarf with the half naked girls on it that your grandma bought you.

I still think that was a ploy of hers to try and make you straight.

But you are what you are.

And I wouldn't have you any other way.

Why didn't you wake up, wasn't I worth you opening your eyes?

Did you hate me while lying on that stupid hospital bed?

Did you stop loving me as soon as you turned the keys in the ignition?

As soon as you floored the accelerator?

As soon as you started speeding and collided with that goddamn Ute?

I need answers, Dan.

You're the only one who can give me answers.

Please.

I need to know if you still love me.

Well, I guess that's it. I'm going to post this now. There won't be any address.

Maybe the postman will see this envelope with no address, be curious, and open it.

They'll read what I've written and think "Wow, why didn't that Dan guy stay with him? Why did he leave in a car and make this poor guy feel heart broken?"

Either that.. or he won't even bother opening it and throw it into the nearest bin.

After I've posted the letter I'm going to go home.

Go straight into the bathroom.

Because that's where you keep your sleeping pills.. Isn't it?

Something good has finally become of your insomnia, hey?

See you soon, Dan.

-Phil. ♡

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