The static rushes in my subconscious as I drift into nothingness. All of my dreams start off the same; static. Slow and fuzzy.
I can hear the static in my head as I watch from a third person point of view. Then the words start. Mumbles of how terrible and weak I am.
Horrible true things that I keep telling myself aren't true; but deep down in my body I know the truth. The words are spoken but not quite heard. Who is saying them? I cannot tell.
The words fade as I start to drown. I cannot breath. Something is suffocating me. Water? No. Static. In my lungs I can feel the ice cold static; like ice shards in my throat.
I am suffocating but not scared. My head is spinning but not moving. Dizzy yet stable. Tears. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. Not because I'm suffocating.
Not because the hateful mumbles vibrating in my head, but because I know I deserve it. Whatever terrible things happen to me I know I deserve it. Then everything stops.
Pitch black darkness takes the static's place. I feel as though I am drifting. The tears have stopped but my head still aches.
But out of the darkness I hear one last mumble before the words stop. "You deserve it." I stare blankly into the abyss before simply saying the words that have haunted my dreams for years.