My words are pulled from my lips by Yoongi's. And for some reason. . . I kiss him back. It's slow at first, but then he has my hands pinned to my sides. And I give in all together. He drags my bottom lip between his teeth, using his knee to separate my thighs.
Like a gunshot in the dark, I realize what I'm doing, and I clench my knees together. Yoongi practically growls against me, pushing me back harder till I have to break. It's like one of those scary things you hate, but really want, so you watch anyways.
At the same time as he slides his tongue between my lips, I move my legs to greet his knee. A pressure that makes me burn like a raging inferno and want him all the more. (But what about Jungkook?) I gasp and tear my wrists from Yoongi's hands. Crying stupidly.
Yoongi steps away out of breath, looking at me as I slide to the floor outside my door. My boxers are damp, and without a shirt, pants, or socks I feel extremely vulnerable. As if the memory makes it real, I can still feel Yoongi pressing into my nethers.
I- It makes me ache there. And I KNOW I shouldn't have let him do that. (But I want it still) I want HIM. (But I really, REALLY shouldn't). "Yoongi. . ." I cry monotone. Looking at him. Yoongi has tears in his own eyes, and I hear someone walking towards the hallway.
Yoongi is suddenly gone, and in his place is Namjoon, asking me if I'm okay. (I am not). I lie to RM. Telling him I drank with Kookie and now feel unwell so I'm out here now. Next thing I know I'm being helped into mine and Jungkook's room. Dizzy.
Once Joon is gone, Jungkook is staring at me with lasers for eyes. (He knows what happened) I sink to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees, feeling dread and anxiety bloom. I don't know who I want. Yoongi thinks I don't want him. Jungkook the exact same.
The truth is I want BOTH. . . but I can only have one of them. (Will it break the group?) I start aching again, tightening my thighs against myself to stop the crawling lust. I can't breathe properly, and now Kook is hovering over me, pressing his forehead to mine.
"It's okay Jiminie." he sighs against my head. (He DOESN'T know? How could he anyway?) I sigh with a slight relief and settle against him, trying to convince myself the ache is his. That it's HIM that I want. Not Yoongi. Who has always been in the background. Ignored.
The one who everyone didn't realize was so important in my story. Tho he actually really is. Then it hits me. . . I perform Serendipity today at 10 am. With only 4 hrs. of sleep? I feel sick all over again like the plane ride here during yesterday. (I'm sorry Yoongs.)
Thanks for reading!
When I look in the mirror. . . I sob - Kay