I shutter as I finish the song, wiping sweat from my neck with a rag some ARMY throws. I toss it back and nod towards them, looking towards back- stage to see Jungkook there. My smile I am wearing falters, and the same feeling comes back to me. That loss. . .
The thing is though, Jungkook makes me feel safe, like I KNOW I can take the next step. But Suga? He makes me feel daring. Ever since I met him, I've wanted to push his buttons. Now he's pushing mine, and he's all I can think about now. I want to feel that fearful need.
The group surrounds me as TXT goes on stage to perform. Yoongs hanging back. His eyes drilling holes into mine until precipitation breaks out on my upper lip and back. Suddenly Kook's hand feels like a shackle on my back, instead of the wings I so want.
I want Suga. I know that for certain. It only took one time. . . One time to break the anxiety. Now I know I want him as mine. (But I can't just abandon Kookie). It'll kill me! I casually pull away from Jungkook, faking an itch. Yoongi notices as I stare at him.
I still like Jungkook though. I would feel hurt if I were to drop him. I'll leave it be for now. "You did amazing Jimin." Taehyung says at me with a high-five. I slap his hand with a plastered face, giving J-Hope a bro-hug on the side.
"I was super freaked." I laugh uncertain, Seonghwa and his newly arrived group coming. Hongjoon bumps Hwa with his shoulder, the older whispering something into the prior's ear. (What the heck?) I shake my head and watch as TXT performs. Feeling eyes on me.
I shift my gaze to the side, watching Yoongi walk over to Kook without me noticing. They have a whisper argument about something, Suga slapping Kook's arm irritated suddenly. Then he walks away, pulling his black beanie further over his ears. Tightening his hoodie.
Joon walks over to me and Jin laughs at something Tae says, Kookie ignoring us all. "You okay, Jimin-ssi?" RM asks me. Seonghwa and Hongjoon talking to the other members. They're smiling at us, whispering amongst themselves. (Do they get it?)
I lie to Namjoon for a second time this morning. "Yeah, I'm totally fine." I smile certainly. Joon clasps a hand on my shoulder, and I see Kookie scowl where Yoongi left to. (I should see if Suga is okay) I actually really shouldn't. That didn't end well LAST TIME I did.
Instead I grin at Namjoon, staring at Seonghwa, whose staring at Kookie whose pouting after Yoongi. TXT finishes their song, and now It's ATEEZ's turn before us as BTS sings Idol as the closer. Then the battle is over. And we go back to California. My heart is slamming in my ribs.
Thanks for reading!
When I look in the mirror. . . I sob - Kay