unnatural mother
unnatural mother parenthood stories
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mizanthrop
mizanthrop Exorcisms. Better out than in.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
a mother's love should be easy, sometimes it isn't

unnatural mother

by saskia

i should feel more than this

i should feel more than this but as a legacy from you,

i should feel more than this but as a legacy from you, it fits.

empathy and anger are concepts to me

empathy and anger are concepts to me puzzle pieces I try to fit into the hollow inside me

empathy and anger are concepts to me puzzle pieces I try to fit into the hollow inside me but they do not feel like mine

you, do not feel like mine

and the truth of that is jagged

and the truth of that is jagged rough and corrosive

and the truth of that is jagged rough and corrosive because it has more flesh to it than anything else between us

But emotion is hereditary

But emotion is hereditary I must give to mine what you gave to me

But emotion is hereditary I must give to mine what you gave to me and I am empty handed

but not empty

which counts for nothing when all I feel is locked inside

which counts for nothing when all I feel is locked inside wrapped up in words and handed to strangers

which counts for nothing when all I feel is locked inside wrapped up in words and handed to strangers, who cannot understand the weight of them

and now, my children bleed

and now, my children bleed from wounds that a mother should never inflict

and now, my children bleed from wounds that a mother should never inflict and I watch their pain and I am frozen

and now, my children bleed from wounds that a mother should never inflict and I watch their pain and I am frozen because I have no language for this

and I realise that maybe this was your truth

and I realise that maybe this was your truth that this was all you had to give me

but not all that you had

but not all that you had so maybe this empathy and anger I hold is yours

but emotion is hereditary

but emotion is hereditary and I do not want these words to be rewritten by those I love the most

but emotion is hereditary and I do not want these words to be rewritten by those I love the most so I will learn to give my words to those who need them.

Because I do not want emptiness to be my legacy.

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