captive
captive learning to be me stories
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mizanthrop
mizanthrop Exorcisms. Better out than in.
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
Progress is a fragile thing.

captive

by saskia

I have been living here for years

I have been living here for years quietly

I have been living here for years quietly gently

I have been living here for years quietly gently in the cage of my own dysfunction

I have let the soft abrasion

I have let the soft abrasion of how we think

I have let the soft abrasion of how we think slough off the edges

I have let the soft abrasion of how we think slough off the edges of myself

the me

the me I did not have the strength

the me I did not have the strength to scaffold on my own

the me

the me I did not want the responsibility of defending from the world

so now,

so now, I will not tell you the cage door is open

so now, I will not tell you the cage door is open I will draw your attention to

so now, I will not tell you the cage door is open I will draw your attention to the bars

so now, I will not tell you the cage door is open I will draw your attention to the bars and roof

so now, I will not tell you the cage door is open I will draw your attention to the bars and roof and floor

to how calmly I hold fast to my perch

but I feel the open space

I feel the air come in and

I feel the air come in and I can taste who I am

I feel the air come in and I can taste who I am on my skin

and it brings me joy

and it brings me joy and pain

because this is beautiful

because this is beautiful and maybe, I am beautiful

but I cannot share this with you

but I cannot share this with you yet,

but I cannot share this with you yet, maybe ever

because if all you see is

because if all you see is what is not the same

then it will feel less

I will feel less

and I need to see the whole of me

to see all of myself through my own eyes

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