What’s that? You want to fail at life you say? Well my friend! I’ll teach you my ways! You came to the right place, I dare say! Because I fail at life every fucking day!
I’ll be your teacher and you’ll be my mentor. I’ll show you all the things I’m unaccountable for. Because that is the first thing you must know my dear pupil. Take no responsibility, blame everyone, it’s really quite simple.
The next step is extremely crucial. You must focus on all the negative around you. Ignore the positive, it means nothing. You’re catching on I see! Let’s keep going!
The last lesson I need to teach is gratitude. Don’t feel it or show it, it’s all in the attitude. It’s called Entitlement, act like you don’t fucking care. Perfect!! Hold it right there!
So that is the all the tools you need to succeed. Have fun fucking up your life, Godspeed!