Born to Die.
This is what I used to believe.
But I'm a human that have a lot of dreams and ambitions.
I love dreaming high but I hate trying and processes.
I love gaining something but I don't like facing hard times.
In other words, I wanted to get everything I want effortlessly.
But obviously... there's no such thing.
Sometimes, If I got no choice I tried new things for the seek of improvements and hidden pride.
My personal killer inside and I named it "ego".
I hate Failures.
But seems like failure loves me.
I hate committing mistakes,
But mistake wanted to be my best-friend since the day I born.
I got a pride, pride and ego that even myself have a hard time to control.
There are times that I hated myself so much.
I hated being me, not just emotionally but literally.
Every time I failed someone or every time I couldn't able to satisfy myself.
Or..someone disappointed on me after giving my best.
I don't know why I'm always like that.
What I know is I always wanted to prove something to everyone.
I want to prove myself.
My heart and mind have been thinking of what could I do more and what could I show more?
I always wondering about what could I contribute to this world and to others as I'm still alive and as I'm still breathing.
Perhaps, before I used to believe that I was just born to die,
But now...I always reminding myself that I was born to live.
On that way I could calm my ego and I can bring peace to my heart and mind that slave of my own desires and ambitions.
That way I can convinced my self that I'm just a human.
And I was born for a reason.
Juts like you...or just like some one else around.
No matter where you are or what you did.
If you made a right decisions or made a mistake.
No matter where you came from or what you have not yet reached.
No matter you won or failed.
What matter the most is for you to realized that you're not human without those experiences.
So... Live your life as if you already find your reason to live.