I woke up in the hospital.
I was under suicide watch.
The days before. They were a blur.
Liquor, along with anger, rage.
Hungover. My boss was yelling.
I was far from my family.
Homesick, and blinded by fury,
I quit while my wife was pregnant.
We had one son already too.
What kind of a loser does that?
I remember a long bus ride,
Hours, with strangers, and so ashamed.
Sure she’d leave, and why shouldn’t she.
She was away when I got home.
I stayed up drinking and pacing.
I thought of the gun in our safe.
Except I didn’t have the key.
I called nine one one, I told them,
what I was thinking of doing.
The police arrived, and I cried.
They took me to the hospital.
I don’t remember much of it.
I slept there until my wife called.
She’d arrived home and I was gone.
I told her where I was, and why,
and she came to me, to my side.
She held me for a good long while.
She spoke to several doctors,
and then she took me home. We talked.
I told her how sorry I was.
She was able to forgive me,
and I thank the lord god, for that.
It wasn’t the last time I drank,
but that did come soon afterwards.
She still walks with me every day,
together now for half our lives.
It was not my last big demon,
but I know she’ll always love me.
Whether I deserve it or not.