I am a dark tormented soul,
ravaged by self doubt.
I rip myself to shreds,
physically and mentally.
The cuts on my ankles,
how do I explain them to my kids?
I question myself constantly.
I mistrust others and avoid getting too close.
Does anyone out there truly care?
If I died tomorrow would you shed a tear?
Even if you did would it matter?
We are all shadows and dust,
and our deeds will be forgotten by men.
Will the universe remember us?
There I go in to that pit of despair.
The black hole which has hold of me.
Will I ever break free of it?
Expensive therapy seems to help,
but it only does so much.
Medicine fills in a gap,
but there is more that needs filled.
Spirituality is what I need.
To believe in something greater than me.
Many men claim to have the answers.
And I mistrust.
For I have not seen proof.
I have doubts.
I am told to take it on faith.
But I cannot.
Because I do not have this faith.
To say I did would be a lie.
It would insult those who do have it.
So I go on, searching for my truth.
Relying on hope.
For I’ve always had that.
It is my lantern in the darkness.
It is my rock.
Perhaps it is my faith.
But I do not know the answers.
I only have more questions.