For my entire life I’ve been told that I’m too young to hurt this much. But I do hurt this much. It makes me bonkers. No one, especially not doctors, would take me seriously. Except my wife.
A few days ago she says, “I think you have Lupus.” I’ve got a butterfly rash across my nose and cheeks, trace amounts of blood shows up during urinalysis. No one could tell me why.
Fatigue, muscle weakness, general feeling of being unwell. That’s me to a tee.
So I go to the doctor, he doesn’t really take me seriously, but agrees to run a test. This test shows a specific antibody associated with lupus.
Some false positives, but from what I’ve read if you test positive you have a ninety to ninety five percent chance of having lupus.
Well I tested positive. Combine that with my symptoms, and yeah, I’m pretty sure I have lupus. I go see a specialist in a month. Waiting is making me crazy.
When you’ve hurt your entire life you actually want to know that it’s not all in your head. At least I did.
Well now I know. And my walls have started crumbling. The pain that I have fought through all these years is suddenly real and intense. I can’t seem to return to not noticing it.
But I am happy to finally have an answer.To have some vindication for those people who told me I shouldn’t hurt.
Never again. Next time I hear that I’m responding that I have lupus.