Yesterday started out rough but ended good. Right now it’s four in the morning on Saturday and I can’t sleep. I think the lack of marijuana is making me have more energy.
I have to find a place for it. My cravings are getting better. They are the worst in the evenings, and then in the mornings I’m proud that I didn’t cave.
I’m also realizing that sobriety isn’t so bad.
I’m glad that my wife and family are so supportive. I realized my last journal entry made it sound as though my wife was being unfair by having beer and pot. That was really unfair of me.
My wife has repeatedly told me that she will not have them around if it bothers me and I’ve repeatedly told her that I didn’t mind.
I didn’t mind her drinking when I could smoke pot, now that I’ve quit that too, I think I was just jealous.
Last night she had some, only after checking with me, and it didn’t bother me at all. She’s really good about not trying to tempt me with it. She knows this is important to me.
I appreciate all the support from both my group members and the members of the online community.
It warms me heart to have strangers supporting me on this journey, and it restores my faith in humanity.
The real challenge will be staying sober when bad things happen that really upset me, but for now, I’m feeling good about this. I’ve got a new fish tank to set up and an old one to take down.
That will keep me busy most of the day, and keeping busy is a big piece of staying sober. Downtime is the hardest.
My therapist has also been super supportive and non judgmental. He’s a really good guy and I’m glad I ended up having him as my primary therapist during this process.
He told me that no matter whether I fall off the wagon or not he wants me to come to group next week. I know that even if I fall I won’t be judged, but I have optimism that I will stay up.
I’m starting day five of total sobriety. It’s tougher because it is the weekend and I’m home alone with the kids, but it already feels so much easier than day one did.
One day at a time is the expression. I think that is a good one. Thank you all for your continued support. And I will continue to share this journey with you.