Trying to write out these feelings.
But can’t seem to find the words.
When I am racked with doubt and shame.
I got caught up in a craving at work.
Someone saw me with a knife.
Now I’m on paid leave again.
I was scared to tell my wife,
but she found out the truth,
and she doesn’t trust me any more.
No work, upset wife.
I’d like to just die.
To take too many pills.
Or a bullet to the brain.
But then what would my family do.
I suppose they would miss me.
Even though I don’t know why.
And I can’t do that to my kids.
So I have to carry on.
Through this internal suffering.
When I’d like to write a note.
Simply saying goodbye.