My real name is Joshua, and I am a 37 year old husband and father of 2 boys. Their names are Ben and Drake.
My family is my world, and although my children sometimes drive me batty I couldn't love them more. My wife too. Not the batty part, just the part about not being able to love more.
Anyhow, so what do I do? I am a Motor Carrier Enforcement Officer, otherwise known as a weighmaster. I enforce safety regulations and weight rules on freeways and highways around my state.
It means spending a lot of time sitting alone, then writing a ticket. Then sitting alone some more. And so on.
My coworkers and I have absolutely nothing in common. But they put up with me being the hippie that I am.
It's not my dream job but it pays the bills. A while back I was up for a promotion. I really wanted, or daresay, needed it. It would meant a better schedule, more responsibility, more variety.
I spent the whole week before the interview nervous as hell. I interviewed on Friday. Saturday, a wildfire broke out a mile from my house. Some kid with fireworks.
We had to evacuate our house and stay across the river and watch all the mountains burn up. It was pretty awful to see.
Meanwhile, I get a call from work that not only did I not get the promotion, but they gave it to someone with far less seniority than me. It felt like a literal slap in the face.
The two events intertwined, and I began cutting. This was something I'd done a small handful of times in the past. This time was different. I cut deep, and bad.
So bad that my brain released enough chemicals to block out the actual memory of when I first picked up that knife.
So at work I started cutting myself when I was alone. It felt like I deserved it for being such a loser. Plus it releases all sorts of funky brain chemicals. I was getting high off of it.
Soon, I was addicted.
Months went by until one day, I went to my boss with my knife. I had a good relationship with her and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. She took me off work the very next day.
Made me get therapy.
While in therapy I discovered writing, and commaful. And so that is why I am here. To express all the emotions that I used to cut out.
I hope that you enjoy my work as much as I enjoy your comments and likes. They really mean a lot to me.
So that's a little bit about me. Thanks for reading.