Uncertainty is quite an enigmatic word. It holds a strong balance between either being totally unworried or being unable to shake off an unexplainable unsettling feeling.
It's truly, incredible how this word changes its meaning according to the given circumstances, akin to the feelings of a person who experiences online love.
It's rather bizarre how you can develop certain emotions for people that you have only seen in pixels, behind your screens.
What is even more mind boggling is that how soon, the act of checking your phone for a "particular" notification turns from an act of curiosity to a daily chore and finally into an unwavering habit.
Gradually, the time ticks away, moving soundlessly; leaving you with a bitter taste in your mouth as you endlessly stare at your screen.
In that moment, the time frame seems as if its dissipating slowly yet is never-ending. It holds the same reassurance as the "ill text you soon, I promise".
Sometimes, you feel lonely and out of place. Maybe even out of time.
Does the thought that you're not living in the same day as some of those people behind your screen, cross your mind? That their day has started.
Yet, you still lay awake in the dead of the night and in that moment you can only think to yourself that oh, maybe time did move.
But, what if you can't help but feel the icy stillness of uncertainty that imperceptibly settles in between the warmth you once sensed was being reciprocated?
Do you hold onto the fragments of your imagination, that maybe, maybe one day things will mold into shape just as you've always envisaged them to be or does the cold, harsh reality finally hit you in the face, crushing you under it's immeasurable weight?
The question that still remains is after all that's ensued, do you begin to hate the very existence of what you thought was the living definition of love,
hate the fact that you'll never get this lost time back and term it as "wasted"?
Would you beat yourself up to the things you imagined that maybe could have happened if they weren't just an online love? Or would you find yourself staring at your dark phone screen, waiting.
but for what? ───
Online love like it's name suggests always seems a few clicks always. However, if it doesn't last, the love-like element present in it leaves an eternal, unforgettable imprint.
The inapt thing about this type of love is that you can only wish for it to last longer, in reality,
𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.
Thank you everyone for reading this. I hope you enjoy my writings and if you do, be sure to tell me in the comments :)