I hate crushes. This cat and mouse game we've been trained to play. I've only been caught once, and the pain from that mouse trap still haunts my heart.
There he is again, tall, muscled, a smile that knocks my heart cold. I pretend I don't see him. We know this game, pros at it by now.
I turn around and lean casually over the pink lights of the bar. Suddenly my phone is the most interesting thing in the world.
I feel a tap on my shoulder. I smile and turn around. My hearts' hit cold. I smile.
'Hey you, I didn't know you were here'
His hands find my waist and he pulls me in close for a hug. Our 2am shirtless hug is all I've been waiting for all night.
'How've you been?' He breathes in to my ear. I quickly separate myself before my desire gives away the game.
'Kinda tired, a little bored...I need a drink' the lies slip a little too quick off my tounge.
His eyes squint and a smile tickles one corner of his mouth. Damn. He's winning.
I turn away and attempt to make eye contact with the bartender.
There's a tap on my other side.
'Excuse me, my friend and I think you're beautiful...can we buy you a drink?' A squat older gentleman in a grey suit is asking, his friend of similar build is waving from a corner behind him.
I smile my thanks and turn back towards the object of my affection. He's still smiling at me. I smile back, my eyes ask permission.
He gives a shrug.
I turn back to Mr.Suit.
'Two cranberry vodkas please'
We thank Mr. Suit for the drinks. Mr.suit gets the wrong idea and attempts to start a conversation with me. Then it happens.
Crush puts his hand on Mr.Suit's shoulder and gently eases him on his way. My eyes sparkle, so it's true, you must like me too. I should do something, make a move, kiss him, do it, do it now.
Two hands wrap around him from behind, a scruffy face kisses his neck.
'There you are!' Scruff face practically yells in to his ear.
I suddenly love looking at the contents of the cranberry vodka in my hand as they embrace in the same manner we did. I'm not sure what they're talking about. I don't care.
I need to get out of here. Ugh their faces are so close. I was wrong. Again. Make an exit. Make an exit.
He turns back and smiles at me.
'Im gonna go' I start with a half hearted smile.
'Wait' he's still smiling.'Stay.'
I drop my smile, and stare unblinkingly up in to his perfect chocolate pools.
'Why' I demand.
For the first time he drops his smile too.
'I dunno....just...stay with me' he looks confused.
I stare at him a moment. Then at scruff face. Then the pain of the mousetrap I stumbled in to so long ago jabs at my heart and kicks my brain.
I put the armor that is my smile back on, I lean close and kiss his cheek.
'See you around' I whisper in to his ear.
I turn around and walk slowly away despite everything in my soul screaming at me not to. But I'm not walking, I'm running. I'm running. Again. I need to prepare for the next round anyway.
See you around.