I remember the way my heart stopped beating in the same ways yours had.
My grief overcame my shaking body and I fell apart like when a dead flower loses its last petal, I was no more without your grace and beauty in this world.
I remember the crippling ache in my stomach when I wanted to text you a week later, and your phone had already been turned off.
Two years and my grief lays on my face like a stone.
I've become cold to the touch to the sound of your name.
Emotionless in the grief.
I used to write to you once a week to tell you about life,
There is nothing to write.
Instead only deep sadness fills the void as hope died out that you were ever coming home.
I spend the days cursing the Devil and throwing rocks,
I hide away from anything of yours,
Anything to remind me of your loving grace,
When my grief,
Well, Grief isn't graceful.
I tore down your pictures from the wall.
I banished your name from my room.
I threw all your letters into a box and sealed them with tape and glue.
I did everything I could to stop myself from remembering you.
I recently looked for your face in the rain,
I tried to hear your voice in the Choir.
I tried to dance to a song that wasn't there,
Anything I could do to make you feel near.
When that didn't work,
Grief came back, anger again and again.
I threw all my rage on my favorite coffee mug and sat on the floor and sobbed.
Grief picked me up off the ground and once again I swore,
I would not remember you anymore, it hurts too much,
I left the mess on the floor.
But, three days later, a thunderstorm came by, a passionate one with lightning.
It was your favorite type of storm and it caught me off guard,
And I stopped fighting my tears from falling.
It's now 2020 where three years have passed.
I sip my tea lightly.
I hold myself tightly.
I look at the empty spot waiting for you.
Grief is much calmer, at the other side of the table, she sips at her coffee ever so slightly,
Before she gets up to remind me.
I've unpacked all your letters.
I'll wait for a storm,
I look for your face in all of the faces,
I'll ache for your voice in the choir.
I hold onto my grief much too tightly,
She seems to be my only real reminder of you.