The rain dripped down my bruised cheek on a sunny night. The clouds have always been there for me, waiting anxiously to make an appearance. To relieve the pain of this broken world.
Even just for a fraction. This was my life for as long as I can remember... Until him.
Everyone knew. Yet they said nothing, too afraid of the power of the minister. No one was going to save me. No one, except me. So I went to HIM. The chief of police. My last hope.
He heard, he listened, he planned, and he executed.
He held my hand, like a father. He helped me at every crossroad, like the nourishing person I've always yearned for. He was everything I wanted but couldn't have.
I wanted him, just not in the way that was even marginally acceptable to him.
He never said anything but I knew anyway. I knew that he KNEW. I was too afraid to lose the one person who has ever cared for me. So I never voiced a word of my true feelings.
That way, he could assume but never truly know.
What does a 18 year old school girl know about love compared to a 39 year old man? People would say zilch, but I beg to differ.
The intensity of my emotions are not that of a skydiver's temporary high. The bond that I feel is not made of loose thread. My heart that is fervently tugging me towards him is not a phase.
How could it be? It feels too real. Too much... But just enough.
Who said only fully-fledged adults can fall in love? Definitely not those, whom have felt the sweet bitterness of dedicating yourself to your better half. Body and soul.
Feelings know no age or limits. It's what makes us, humans, unique creatures.
It has been three months since the arrest of my father. I graduated with a diploma, yesterday.
Even though he was the only one there to celebrate with me, with frozen yogurt, it was enough for me. How could I be so selfish to ever ask for more than that? But it bothered me.
My emotions, that is. It has become harder by the second to contain and I didn't want to lose the only tangible thing in my life. So I made a choice.
Albeit some may see it as cowardly but for me it was a necessity.
My lips quivered at the thought of leaving him without saying a word. But I couldn't turn back, I couldn't do it to myself.
He might be disappointed when he realizes that I left but his life will go on, he will forget, he will be okay.
I knew anyway that the only reason he stuck around was because of my situation, his sense of justice and service to this unforgiving world. But I am even grateful for that.
Bile rose up my throat when the airport came into view. I was moving to Dallas to stay with my aunt, whom I've never met.
I could choose to live independently, but I didn't trust myself to not die from my own food poisoning. I've had a relatively good life, if you minus my sperm donor from that equation.
I've always had someone looking after my every need and want as a child. I was taken care of.
The taxi pulled up at the airport and I got my suitcase out of the trunk. My vision became blurry as I walked the distance, it felt as though I was tearing my own heart into shreds.
I was a villain to my emotions. Forgive me.
I straightened my back, wiped my eyes, getting myself in order—not wanting to look deranged—and walked to the Check-in area.
I stopped mid-stride when I saw the last man I needed to see and the only one I wanted to see.
He stood standing there, staring at me. No, glaring at me. A blind man could see that he was not the least bit happy to see me.
His usual demeanor was already intimidating, now he somehow looked even more buffed up, like an unbreakable boulder. He looked ready to give order to my emotions. But I couldn't let him.
It would break me to stay and forever be in the sidelines. So, I strengthened my resolve and walked towards him.
He stared at me with his Angry Bird brows and unsmiling eyes. Had it been anyone else, I would've pissed my pants long ago. But it wasn't. It was him, and I have come to know him.
At least, that's what I would like to think.
I stood before him, not saying a word. I had a few minutes to spare before my flight so I was in no rush. He grabbed my hand and tugged me towards his chest.
He raised my chin and I could feel the tremble in his fingers. My eyes began to water, and my lips trembled. Making it impossible for me to utter my excuses without the promise of a breakdown.
He shifted his hand and intertwined our fingers.
"You were going to leave me," he said.
His tone was so gruff it felt as though it scraped across my skin. My heart hummed at the voice I thought I would never hear again. But I had to leave.
I took a step away from him, my fingers still holding on tightly to his. " I AM going to leave. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I—"
"But what?!" He yelled.
I was stunned in silence. He must have been more angry than I thought. In the time that I knew him, he was either silent or spoke quietly.
He has never raised his voice at me or anyone that I know of. His presence always said more than his mouth. Even now, when he yelled—he did it timidly.
"What could possibly be reasonable enough for you to run off without telling me? In the dead of the night?"
Even I could hear the sadness in his tone. And I suddenly felt bad. After all, we have become quite close as friends.
"I'm sorry. Truly I am. I didn't want you to overreact and try to stop me. But I have to go. My flight is—"
"I canceled it."
He said it so matter-of-factly that I almost never registered his words.
"What? How—" I began but he stopped me.
He pecked my lips so slowly and softly that I thought I almost imagined it. Almost. I was so shocked I thought my heart stopped and went to heaven without letting my brain know.
"Don't kid yourself. I know why you're leaving. You are leaving me. You think I don't need you as much as my next breath.
You think that I don't care for you in a way that is unexplainable and scary. You think I don't love you for all that you are. How wrong you are. So, so wrong. So don't go. Stay with me.
Because I don't think my heart would be able to live without you holding it next to your own.
I can't promise the road to be easy, but I can promise to love you and care for you and support you for as long as I live."
Tears ran down my face, and my heart almost burst with relief and happiness. My legs shook and I felt as though, with just those simple words, he tore my world apart and rebuilt it back together.
He pulled me into his embrace and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His build was so tall and broad that I had to stand on my tiptoes and he had to bend so that I could hold onto him.
He stood to his full height. I wrapped my dangling legs around his waist and I let out the softest sob against his already damp neck.
"I love you more than you can ever know," I whispered in a raspy voice—not wanting to hold back on how I feel.
He soothed me and rubbed my back whilst he headed to his car. I was so enveloped by him that I couldn't find the nerve to feel embarrassed by the onlookers.
When we finally arrived at the car, a few minutes after. I was a big mess. My face felt pudgy and my eyes were most definitely swollen. I could feel the hair sticking to my face.
I must have looked like a clown in heat. But he was a perfect gentleman. He opened the door and sat me down in the car like I was the most fragile antique glass frame.
Looking at me like I was the only thing that existed in our world.
He dropped my suitcase on the back seat and started the car. He drove to his house without saying a word.
I began to drift off to dreamland when the vehicle stopped, and I found him staring intently at me. He held my hand and looked at me, whilst leaning on the steering wheel.
"I thought I was going to lose you today. When I found out by the secretary that you were booked to leave. I went berserk." He let out a rough laugh not looking away from me.
I kissed his hand and said, "Apologize to Lucy tomorrow, I'm sure you scared her shitless"
He let out a chuckle and just stared at me. Into my eyes, my heart, my mind and my soul. After a while he whispered, "You were scared. I'm sorry I realized so late how much you mean to me.
But now that I know, I don't want to let you go. I want you to live with me. I know it's sudden and you might not wanna rush—"
I sileneced him with a feather touch of my lips against his. Sending a wave of awareness through my body.
"I want to be yours. Your wife. As soon as I can. I know you may think that I'm too young but life is too short.
I don't want to even waste a second not doing what my heart is telling me to do," I said.
Wanting him all to myself, for the world to see. Let them talk if they wish. They haven't felt anything as pure and strong.
He moved and kissed the crown of my head. "Let's discuss this in the morning. If you still want to do that then, then I have no objection."
I knew I wouldn't change my mind and that we would be married in court before the month ends, but I refrained from saying anything further.
I smiled at him and got out of the car, feeling happier than I have ever been.