Shotoxreader (fluff :D) TW:cutting depression if you have trouble with these thoughts please get help or seek for somebody to confide in please :)
Aha I’m back. 😆 Ready to reek havoc 🤭😚 Across this platform once again lol
I was to lost in my saddening thoughts to hear the knock on the door. The door I should open, the door I needed to open. Yet I didn't want to I wanted to stay in my black and white themed bathroom. I knew once the door is open I would be ambushed with questions. 'why are you even here?' My mind racing as I felt though the room was turning red. Just the color dripping from my arm. I was scared,
I am scared. I fled from the circle of truth or darers,all asking to wear a short sleeved shirt for once. So they can critize my body and my arms. As the scars have become more noticible on my heart and in my head and on my arms. I couldn't show them? Right? I couldn't be honest with them. God why did I play that stupid game in the first place?! 'Stupid stupid stupid! As if they would actually like you!'
I cleaned myself up and opened the door slowly. "What?" I asked quietly, they didn’t hear me, looking out to see the smart Torodoki sitting waitng for me as he looked around my room. My head was a war zone. As if though all my personalitys couldn't make it up.
Happy:GOOO GET EM GIRL Depression:Like he cares just lock yourself in the bathroom and perminately give up Hope:Oh shut up your the newby and im the only thing preventing you from doing that so...GO GET EM! Anger:ugh doesn’t he know how to knock?!
It felt like a battle of either lock myself back in the bathroom,or go for it. Thinking on my feet I quickly say, "What are you doing in here?" I asked my bff of 3 years now. "Looking for you." he said with barely a smile showing. I didn’t smile back instead I walked to my bed and sat. “You don’t have to just go back to the others and have fun without me.”I explained motioning to the door with my hand.
He shook his head lightly, “what’s going on?” He asked me with the emotionless tone he has, just there was barely a hint of softness in his voice but it was there and it was detected by me. “Nothing.” I say quickly picking at my sleeve. He doesn’t believe me, but I can tell doesn’t wanna continue to pester me more. “I’m fine.” I said shifting on the bed. He nods, “are you coming back down?”
I thought for a moment. “No, their your freinds you go have fun I guess.” I looked at him. “I’m just gonna stay up here. I don’t really wanna play truth or dare anymore.” He nods and leaves my room. ‘Finally....’ my eyes drifted from my feet to my ceiling. After I had my legs dangling off the side of the bed, my upper body flushed against the bed. I sighed a sad sigh, I didn’t wanna even really play in the first place.
Although that dare gave me hyper-anxiety, Lots and lots and mostly anxiety and nothing else. ‘Why would you play that game.....’ finally I decided to distract myself. I made shapes out of the texture of my wall. Along with little people and animals. Making almost a civilization, but it got attacked by my thoughts. My mind shifting from little adorable animals to gory thoughts.
‘Nothings changed, why does it bug me. ‘ thinking sucked sometimes. ‘Maybe because I had a chance, a chance to say, ‘help me, I’m not okay.’ My mind stopped there. I wasn’t gonna run through this scenario again. It’s finally gonna be over, I am done. I’m not doing this again and again and again. Before I knew it I was with them all again. Still sitting in the circle, playing the game.
“Can I borrow shoto for a moment?” I asked already dragging him off. I knew he wasn’t REALLY playing. He was just kinda there, though he warned up over time. We were back in my room. “Can I talk to you about something.” He nodded. “It’s kinda a sensitive subject. So don’t say anything all I need you to do is listen. It’s simple, and then help me.” I said again filling in silence.
I breathed in, “I have depression. I know I do, I’m thinking thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking. There gory dark and always revolves around death. Always has to do with me ending everything. Yes, I’ve cut, I’m sorry. Some people are so much stronger than me. Some just deal with it, some have to do it. Like me. I’ve had it for two years now. It never gets. easier and when they asked-“
I breathed in, “they asked to see me in a short sleeved shirt.....I couldn’t do it. No matter the circumstances, it didn’t matter they’re going to see. They are, they really are. Weather it’s today, tomorrow if doesn’t matter. They’re going to see. I’ve been using my healing powers recently it’s helped with the scars. They’re still healing it’ll take time. at least I finally told you? Right? Wow I didn’t even cry.”
I laughed at the end. An actual genuine laugh. He just hugged me and I knew I had someone with me. I guess that’s enough. Right? My best freind by my side. Though I did like him, it would have to be kept quite.