i thought i could do it;
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methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
Autoplay OFF  •  7 months ago
or, at least, i told myself i could. but it's not so easy to fix what's broken.

i thought i could do it;

poem by methodicals

Or, at least, I told myself I could.

I told myself that eventually, I could continue to hang on, fight on, and smile on.

But first, let's start at the beginning. Let's start with the fact that sadness is not just a weekend getaway. You don't choose to visit it, and you don't choose to leave it.

You don't get to choose anything when it comes to pain. So, please, don't blame us for it. Don't blame me.

Don't tell me that I should be happy, or that I should drop, it, or that I should ignore it, or that I should get help. Because you don't know me, plain and simple — you have no idea.

Pain, I think, is an island. A vacated, barren, brown spot of land sitting among the black waters of my mind.

I found it when I was drowning, wanting to scream but unable to, kicking, but the more I kicked the farther down I went.

So I let go, and I let myself float and sink and wander to where the waves wanted to take me. It led me to the island where I pulled myself up, coughing and sputtering and crying.

Me, lying there on gray sand, watching life go on without me. Because far, far in the distance, there was a green paradise, lush and alive and bright. Full of possibilities. Hope. Love.

My heart yearned and push and pulled to go there. I could go there. All I had to do was was stand up, and enter the dark water once more.

But, looking at where I was ... how far I had to go ... and it was, so, so far ... too far. The longer I Iooked, the more I despaired, so I tore my gaze away.

Just for a little while, I'd stay here. I needed to rest. Because I was tired of swimming, my bones aching with exhaustion. Soon, I'd continue to swim. Soon, I'd keep trying.

But not now.

Everyday, that's what I kept saying to myself. Not now, I'm not ready. Not now, not now, not now. I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.

So, you see, I thought I could do it. Or, at least, I told myself I could.

Pain, I think, is an island. And I stayed there meaning for a vacation. I've ended up making a home out of it.

Do you believe me now?

Because listen to me when I say.

Sadness, grief, sorrow — they are not, and will never be, just a weekend getaway.

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methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
5 months ago
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methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
6 months agoReply
@sunlily thank you so much! :)

sunlilyfind me on wattpad: @sunswept
6 months agoReply
lis this is amazing <3 <3

methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
7 months agoReply
@LostInMyDreams thank you <3

LostInMyDreamsDelving deeper into the unknown
7 months agoReply
You explained this very well. The picture you painted with your words was so accurate. This was a great take on sadness and pain. Great post!

methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
7 months agoReply
@thougtfuldragon thank you so much!!

thougtfuldragonAll my quotes/poems are original.
7 months agoReply
Wow, this was great!

methodicalswattpad: @methodicals
7 months agoReply
@bernardtwindwil thank you for reading it and for commenting! however, this post was only somewhat about me, mostly about a made up character. my aim was just to reach out to those who stopped fighting their pain, so you got it right on :) thank you again!

bernardtwindwilGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
7 months agoReply
I think that this was well thought out. As it was written in the millennial vernacular, I stumbled a little but it was still understandable. I find myself wondering why you wrote this. In one of your verses the third or fourth as I recall you told all the readers that you were unwilling to accept remediation since we were ignorant. Yet in the sentence above the comments you admit something is broken. I think that very few people think getting well is easy. What I see in your writing is anger and frustration. I hope you find the right kind of counseling so you can become at least somewhat happier. This was a great post!!!