A Series of Heartbreak pt. 1
A Series of Heartbreak pt. 1  depression stories
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messylexi
messylexi My stories have no boundaries <3
Autoplay OFF   •   7 months ago
The moment when you realize you love someone is just beautiful. But the moment you realize that love is lost.. You feel like you’ve lost yourself. Suddenly, you don’t know who you are..

A Series of Heartbreak pt. 1

Elise's "City Lights"

I stood on the edge of the roof. Looking down. It had to be at least a 200-foot drop. I looked straight ahead all of the city lights glowered before me.

"I'm ready" I kept repeating to myself. "There's nothing left waiting for me."

Talking to my therapist hours prior just set my plans in stone.

"You just have to get through the pain now and there will be bliss waiting for you." She spoke through a face of stone. As if she couldn't care less about the suicidal dreams I'd told her about

No more. I can't handle it anymore. Anymore of the on pour that his abandonment brought to me. It's been years. Years without his smile. Without his touch, his fingers on my skin.

I was alone. And I was tired. I started walking the edge, it was so bright and beautiful.

Then I thought of his words, "I wanna watch the city lights with you, take you somewhere special."

Those words burned so deeply into my soul. "You wanted to see the city lights with me so why did you leave?"

The tears burned my eyes as they came in contact with the ice cold air around me.

"You left me as soon as things went wrong, didn't look back. I didn't mean SHIT to you. I never did. Just another shiny new fucking toy."

I faltered at the malice in my voice.

"So why do I love you so damn much. Why can't I live without you?"

I sat down on the roof and broke down into tears. That ugly cry thing.

I had never felt so conflicted. I wanted everything to end. To just stop, but it wouldn't. I kept looking for reasons to keep going and was just hit with a wall every time.

It was because of him. Because of that stupid encounter. Because he excited me beyond anything I had ever encountered.

I love him. But it wasn't good enough.

I know how to heal, I do. I just don't want to. I'm tired of making everyone repeat the same thing to me: "It will get better. It has to get worse before it gets better.

You are so young and have so much potential."

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

I am too weak for this world. For the pain that this world holds. I'm doing it alone. Nobody is inside my head to feel the pain that I feel. This is getting old.

I stood up again in a rush and started walking towards the door that led me to the roof. I approached it and put my hand on the knob.

"Fuck it."

I let go of the doorknob and started bolting for the edge of the roof ready to jump. Full speed. Then I heard his voice.

"Elise no!"

I halted. But it wasn't enough. I stumbled over the edge and plummeted those 200 feet.

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I heard something crush beneath me. My spine? My skull? Either way, everything faded to white and I felt nothing.

Then there were more lights. Sirens. Then his voice.

"Is she okay, did she land correctly? Why are you ignoring me!? Is she breathing?"

Why is he here? I looked to where his voice was coming from, and there he was. Standing by a cop while a paramedic loomed over me with a light in my eye.

"Excuse me, Ms. Davis I need you to listen closely to my words, do not move please. You have a severe concussion from the impact of landing on the life net. I'm checking for broken bones.

Can you speak?"

So much information. All I wanna know is when the fuck did they get here. Everything went black with that thought.

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I always hated the smell of medicine, especially morphine. My nose burned with the aroma of a hospital as soon as I regained consciousness.

I opened my eyes. I was slightly elevated and my leg was attached to some kind of sling that held it upward.

There was also a really ugly brace on my left hand.

I looked around and he quickly caught my eye. Sitting in a chair right next to me on my right side, his hand in my non-ugly-braced-one.

He was fast asleep.

"Nice to see you again." I spoke in a near whisper.

He snapped up. "Elise. Baby. Elise. My beautiful fragile Elise."

He started kissing my hand and my cheek and my forehead, none of which I could feel, but I wasn't gonna tell him that.

He then grabbed a remote next to me and was about to hit a button but I stopped him weakly. "I'm not ready to be prodded at just yet."

He smiled and tears were rolling down his face. "You have no idea how sorry I am. You almost lost your life because it took me so long to realize how much I needed you."

"How did you know? About the jump"

"Your therapist has been calling me every time you two had a session and this time I got a lot more worried than normal. She said 'She looked a lot more hopeless this time.

Like she really had given up. I think you need to re-evaluate how much this girl needs you in her life.' Those words burned so deeply into my soul Elise.

I hadn't stopped thinking about you from the moment we broke it off. I tried to call you, and when you didn't answer I just assumed the worst.

I've been all over town looking for you and dragging cops with me. Then I saw a glimpse of a person on that roof. Then I bolted. The cops called the paramedics. It all just turned out."

I was speechless. I couldn't even blink. There was so much shock in my heart listening to this. "W-" my breath caught in my throat.

"Why? Why leave me and allow me to get to this place just to turn around and try to play the hero?"

I just didn't think we'd work it out. I didn't wanna drag it out just for it to end badly. But I know now Elise. I just need to live for the moment. Fuck what happens because it's my life.

I love you. Please don't ever hurt yourself again or risk your life again. I don't know how I'd live without you baby."

Love. He loves me. Contradicting what he'd said years ago. All the past tense he used back then. 'Loved' 'Liked' 'Was.' I felt the tears yet again.

"Elise. Say something." He wiped a couple of my tears and I leaned into his hand. I'd missed his touch so much. It burned. Burned so good.

"We're so bad for each other..." Was all I could get out before a nurse walked in.

She looked at us shocked and dashed over to me and started asking me all types of questions like "how do you feel?" and "do you remember what happened?

" she also kept giving him some side-eye that looked angry. I answered in such a way that would get me out of this hospital fast.

The entire time my eyes were on him. I felt a smile on my face as he gazed at me with so much affection.

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8 months later

We stood on a balcony. We were in Vegas. He was holding me from behind. And the air was soft and crispy.

"I told you."

"What are you talking about?" I slightly to the side questioningly.

"I told you that I would take you to see the city lights."

I just grinned. He had stayed by me while I healed. And told me about everything he'd planned that I had no choice but to be there for.

He would gush in that chair for hours on end and I would just smile and listen.

And now here we were. On our first of many to come trips.

Toxic and idiotic? Absolutely. But I fucking loved him. And honestly, that's all that mattered to me.

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