I loved him. I still do. Just so much more than anyone thought. He promised he loved me just as much.
I gave him everything, I tried my best to make him happy all the time because I knew he could get a little mad and I have experienced it a few times,
and that's not what I wanted to go through again.
Everything was fine for a few weeks and he didn't get mad as easily as usual, I wanted to know why but I didn't want to ask, taking the risk of making him mad.
I wasn't taking that risk, not after last time. I don't think he ever really meant it when he hurt me, he was just so strong and it was my fault for making him as mad as I did.
I remember my father always telling my mother that if she didn't mess up all the time everything would be better, so I learned from it.
Everything was okay until I accidentally forgot to tell him I had practice after school one day and when I came home, he was waiting for me.
I guess he forgot to let go when I told him I couldn't breathe.
Maybe he didn't mean to be so rough, I shouldn't have messed up, maybe it was just a really bad mistake this time, maybe he didn't want me to forget but he never let go.
I loved him so much I was willing to give him everything, including my last breath of air. The way my everything and here I am, nothing. I still love him..
Deep down I feel like he feels bad for what he did but he never showed it, so maybe I am wrong. I was so in love I was blind to it.
I still think it is my fault, maybe I should've worked harder or let him know sooner. Either way I don't blame him, I just wished he would have let go when I started to pass out.
I know he cares though because I remember him saying he loved me just before everything went black.
It's weird though because I was told that after you have died you went to heaven and I'm still here ...maybe it's to watch over him or maybe it's because I still love him even after what he did.
After all isn't that what love is all about? Forgiveness? All I ever wanted was to make him as happy as he made me sometimes.
Yeah I walked away with a few bruises here and there but at least he always made up for it in the end, he would say he was sorry and that he loved me and we would get married one day,
or if it was really bad he would bring me my favorite flowers. It was my fault though, he told me to tell him and I forgot to, so I deserved it.
I just wish I would've made it clearer that I couldn't breathe, but what can I say? You do crazy things when you're in love.