by Mercede Widener
"I was never good enough was I?" He wouldn't answer me and I was starting to get mad. "Answer me, I at least deserve that.
" He had his head hung to his chest and he started to look up at me, it was pouring rain so everything was faded and hard to see. I seen him though, it was hard not to.
I waited for him to say something but he never did, he just let his head drop again. "Of course you aren't going to answer me, it would just be lies anyways.
" I knew I wouldn't get anything else so I just turned to start walking back to my car and as I was walking I had thought I heard him start to cry.
I stopped and turned a little to see if what I was hearing was true, and he was sobbing under his breath.
I scoffed and turned to start walking back not wanting to hear anymore of his bullshit lies I knew he would tell me. I had almost made it to my car when I heard him say, "I'm sorry".
I stopped in my tracks and my heart jumped at his little words, that's all I wanted to hear, but not this time.
I turned around and seen him standing now and looking at me with that sorrow in his eyes.
I wanted nothing more than to run to him and hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I had to be strong, for me.
I looked at him and said, " You always are but you never mean it". I turn and get back into my car and suddenly his phone lights up and her picture is on the screen.
It instantly pisses me off so I turn the car back off and grabbed his phone, open the door and throw it at him. He looks at it and then back at me as if he's waiting to see what I do.
"Go ahead and answer it, she's more important any other time especially now that you're going to be a father, huh?" he looked at me shocked and dropped his head again.
"Yeah I know, you never could admit to your faults and now look where it's got you, I hope she makes you happy in the way I never could".
I turn pissed off and am on my way back and I hear him, " She means nothing, Maya you're my everything and I am sorry, please forgive me?" Rage had completely consumed me at this point.
I turned and walked back to him and without thinking I hit him as hard as I could in his face.
He dropped to his knees once again and I saw blood started to drip down his face along with the rain water.
It felt so good to hit him andI wanted to do it over and over again till he felt what I felt, but I had more respect than that. He stayed kneeled on the cement and never looked back at me.
I heard him say "it's okay, I deserved that and so much more so if you want to keep hitting me if it makes you feel better please".
His phone lit up again with a text that read " baby can you come over I miss you and the baby is kicking".
Rage flew through me and I hit him again on the side of his head and again and again until he fell to the ground and next thing I knew I was kicking him in his ribs like he did to me all
those times, and then I stopped because I looked at him and realized that I was no better than him if I continued.
He hit me so many times and made me broken promises telling me it would be okay and he was sorry and things would change, but they never did. I would just take one more hit each time.
Now the tables have turned and I was the one who made him feel like I did and he deserved it so much more than I did.
I snapped out of the rage and was able to look at him and he was crying laying on the soaking ground, his hands wrapped around his waist.
After a few minutes he got back up though, to his knees again. I seen him wince when he did and I thought it had to be at least a bruised rib if not broken. "It's okay, I love you".
He dared to say that to me.
" no you don't Jaden, if you did you wouldn't have hit me all those times and you wouldn't have gotten her pregnant when I tried to give you everything in the world".
I wanted to cry so bad for him and me. I knew I loved him more than anything else in the world and I would have given him mine if he had just asked, but he took that for granted.
The scary thing is I would still go back to him but I had to be strong for myself just for once.
"I'm sorry-", "sorry means nothing to me jaden", I started to yell, I had reached my breaking point. "When you broke my arm because I fell asleep and forgot to call, sorry never fixed that.
When you cheated on me every weekend with another girl and lied to me about it, sorry never fixed that. And sorry won't fix this. You did this and you have to deal with the consequences.
" I was done. My hand was swollen and bleeding and I just wanted to go home and be alone for a little while. I started walking back and realized that I had started to cry.
I knew why, I loved him. Even after everything he had done for the past year and I wanted things to work out because I wanted to be with him.
I started to sob in the rain and heard him say from behind me, "will you give me another chance please?" I turned to him and seen that his eye was swollen shut.
I already knew the answer, I walked up to him and kissed him on his cheek and that was when he knew what the answer was.
I looked at him and said the three words he would never hear me say again, "I love you". One last tear fell from my eyes and with that I left.
He stood there and watched me walk away never stopping me, never saying anything to change my mind, never chasing after me. I promised myself I wouldn't look back and I didnt.
I had given him one too many chances and I paid for each one of them. He broke me and I was never going to be able to fix myself the way I wanted him to.
I loved him and I always will but believe me when I tell you that after I left that night it hurt more than anything, but I had never felt so free.