I know I shouldn't peek.
I know this little indulgence of mine can't last.
But, when we go to sleep
I wait for your muscles to relax
so I can reach over and pull out that device
with secrets you never tell me.
Unlock the screen
and I see pictures of me.
I see your parents.
I see your friends.
Happy memories. Laughs.
Then, I see "I love you!" and my vision blurs.
Because it isn't meant for me.
She's there in your messages - those messages you never deleted.
I see her pictures.
You look her up twice a week.
And I know I shouldn't peek.
That this indulgence is rude
Something that tears me down and leaves me weak.
But, I'm addicted.
Because looking at her makes my heart go numb.
I can go through each day with no hurt, no pain,
I can look at you, smile with you, be with you,
wait for you to say those three words that aren't mine
and feel nothing.