Trump: trust me bro. just grab them by the pussy it works every time. watch
Porn Star: *what the hell are you doing.....*
5 seconds later....
Trump: You just got the bigly experience. I was fantastic. You're welcome.
Porn Star: Uh yea...
Trump: Many ladies love me. You're a very lucky lady.
Porn Star: I'm gonna go.....
Trump texting on his phone: Bro, works every time. I told ya. Just grab em by the pussy. What could go wrong?
8 years later
Trump: Do you think I should run for president?
Adviser: What are your qualifications?
Trump: Hmm...I'm really ridiculously good looking.
Adviser: Uh...what else?
Trump: My gorgeous hair.
Adviser: We're gonna need more
Trump: I fucked a porn star bigly and she said i was her best ever.
Adviser: We probably don't want that getting out tbh
Trump: Do you wanna know the secret to gettin bitches?
Trump: Just grab em' by the pussy
Adviser: I'm not sure that's appropriate sir.
Trump: I'm doing it for the memes.
2 years later
Clinton is leading the polls by a landslide. It's over.
*LEAK* Trump says he grabs women by the pussy
Trump: Okay. I want you to start a pussy grabbing fund.
Trump: Put $1B in it and just pay every woman I've ever fucked to shut up.
Adviser: Sir, you don't have $1B....
Trump: You're fired.
New Adviser: Ok, I put $10M in your pussy grabbing fund. Just sign these documents and you're good.
Trump: Whatever. Just sign it for me. I'm too busy fucking bitches. Erm. Campaigning.
New Adviser: We still need to deal with this whole leaked video fiasco though.
Trump texts Tom Brady.
Trump: My good friend Tom says we should just say it's locker room talk. He's won a lot of Super Bowls and looks almost as good as me.
New Adviser: Sounds legit.
Trump takes advice and wins election.
Porn Star: Y'know that hush money you gave me? Well you never actually signed that contract.
Trump: What are you talking about? I gave you the best time of your life. You can't sue me.
Porn Star sues him.
Reporter: Mr. President, what is your take on the situation?
Trump: It never happened.
Reporter: What about the money that was sent?
Trump: You're ugly.
Reporter: Excuse me?
Trump: It was the best time of her life.
Reporter: But you just denied it
Trump: You're fired.
Lavar Ball: This Trump shit is worse than "Keeping up with the Kardashians"
Lavar Ball: I'm going to run for President against Trump.
Lavar: BTW, I just announced my POTUS500. My new $5,000 presidential shoe.
So, that's my script so far. What do ya think Ms. Writing Agent?
Agent: It's not believable. It's too ridiculous. Who would believe that Trump would forget to sign a contract?
Agent: Or that he would say "Grab em by the pussy?"
Agent: Or that the porn star would sue him for forgetting to sign a contract? C'mon man.
Agent: Try something more believable like a zombie apocalypse.
Agent: Also you're going to get backlash for using a porn star in your story.
Ok.....that's good feedback.
So uhh.....Lavar turns into a zombie and eats Trump and weed is legalized and stuff.
And uh....female power!
For real though. I'm a feminist. I promise