My downward spiral into growth
My downward spiral into growth addiction stories
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manic
manicmanic and venting
Autoplay OFF  •  8 months ago
Manic writings of my feelings of self love and addiction.

My downward spiral into growth

I want to love myself

But I don’t know where to start

I look to care for others

Rather than myself

My heart hold oceans of love

Just none for myself

My heart cries tears of torment

With no lack of savagery

The way I feel is only my fault

But the path to living myself love has always eluded me

The path twists and turns its become a labyrinth

Lost in the hopeless vapours

Am I meant to love myself

Who says I am to feel that way

I can just love others

It brings me peace

Death is just sand in an hourglass waiting to fall

Why put in the work

When the void is so close

Dreams of the beyond carry comfort and solace

The thoughts of being released from this pain

No more will I treck through this mud

This fatigue will fall away

Darkness will fall

If I can’t love myself who says I can’t love another

Why would they say that

Why invalidate my love

My destruction is just part of my growth

This pain I have every r presently looms over

Proliferating into my marrow

I need to be numb

I’ve lived longer than I’ve ever planned

If I am to survive I need to escape

It doesn’t make me a bad person

It doesn’t make me weak

How I cope is sad

But it is how I’m still alive

I’m sorry if you don’t understand

I’m sorry if I hurt you

But I am also

alone

Isolated

You leave me be so you can feel better

Out of sight out of mind

Content with saying you did everything you could

All I need is for you to be there for me

Hold me when I cry

Let me feel destructive

It will create growth in time

My life is duality

It is part of who I am

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