Chapter 2: You Shit the Other Two Out Your Dick
After last week’s ordeal you weren’t surprised when you heard the slightly less sweet voices of the other two brothers, Joe and Nick. You know, the ones that are currently internet sensations.
Kevin Jonas had to prepare you for the events to come.
“Ok,” former internet sensation Kevin Jonas said, arousingly. “These two are going to be much more painful than I was. They are going to come out of your dick.”
You grew very concerned, considering that you don’t have a dick.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Kevin Jonas whispered into your pores, reminding you he has a telepathic connection to your thoughts “Check now. You'll find you are incorrect.”
You did exactly that. Oh god no. You have a dick. Screaming in terror, you fall out of the bed and disconnect from the heart monitor. Kevin Jonas puts it onto his finger. You are one, now.
Don’t question it. He’s a god, remember?
Kevin Jonas lifted you to your feet and finished explaining everything to you, and why you have both a dick and vagina.
“You see, the other two were actually originally birthed by our father, so they can only travel through dicks.
I, however, was birthed by my mom, like a normal child, so I cannot be birthed by a dick.”
This did not help.
“Why didn’t you just choose someone who normally already has a dick to birth your brothers?” you ask.
“Because my mother and father were one, just like we are, now. Except different. Very different.” He sat down on the bed and patted politely on the spot next to him. “Pop a squat, bitch.”
You felt that strong godly power come over you, forcing you to pop a motherfucking squat.
“Listen. You gotta do it. This baby?” Kevin Jonas motioned towards your vagina “out of commission for the next couple years, and my brothers gotta come outta there now.”
You are filled with dread. “Will it hurt?”
Kevin Jonas shrugged. “I can neither confirm nor deny, being as I’ve never done it myself.””but I do know someone who has. You can ask her yourself, allow me to bring you to her”
As much as you just want to trust Kevin Jonas, and let him guide you, you really need to ask him “why the fuck did you make me climb a fucking mountain in the middle of nowhere?
Oh! And by the way, where the fuck are we?”
Kevin Jonas chuckles softly, “you will know why in time, we are here to see her.
” He points ahead of him and through the snow squalls, and then you see it, a small shabby yurt that you are 100% certain was not there a minute ago.
“B-but h-h-how?” You question in genuine shock “that wasn’t there before.”
Kevin Jonas smiles sweetly, “I am unable to answer your question, and I am also unable to accompany you any further.” He gestures towards the tent, “now go, my child.”
You feel a warmth coming from the tent as you begin to walk towards it. When the flaps blow open, you have to shield your eyes from the blinding light.
“Hello young one” says a godly female voice.
“Demi Lovato? What are you doing here?”
She simply smiles, “I am here to guide you little fledgling,” she says, her voice most definitely that of a goddess.
“Wait,” I said, bewildered by the situation that I was in, “does this mean that you are the other person who shit a boy band out of your dick?”
“Yes tender adolescente” she replied almost saccharinely, “you must know of my children, Big Time Rush?”
As you stand there confused trying to process what is happening to you, and the implications of what Demi Lovato just said, and then you hear it from behind Ms.
Lovato, the luscious voice of Kendall, the sweet voice of Carlos, the sexy voice of James, and the not-so-hot but pretty cute voice of Logan.
“Mom?” whimpered a crying Logan.
“Hush now my child. These are our guests.” Demi Lovato comforted the sad man.
James and Carlos chimed in, mumbling something about the dark spirits, but you paid no mind to them.
Kendall was the problem. You could visibly tell he had no genitalia, being as he wasn’t wearing pants. It was a void. Not a hole, but an actual void, sucking in dust particles around him.
He only spoke in backwards haikus.
The meeting with Demi Lovato brought you full and absolute clarity towards the events that would happen soon. As you walked out of the tent you could see Kevin Jonas smiling at you.
Kevin Jonas gave you a piggyback down the mountain because you were too perturbed to make it down yourself.
Then Kevin Jonas took you to the same hospital where you had given birth to him (so that you wouldn’t have to go through the questions that arose last time,
like “how are you giving birth to someone who already exists”, and other things like that.
(You know, for a god, Kevin Jonas was actually quite caring and he really thought about your needs, after all, he had been taking care of you since you gave birth to him.
(If you really thought about it you wouldn’t mind dating him. (If he weren’t your child)))).
About an hour after you were put in a hospital bed, you knew it was time, mostly because you heard the other two Jonas brothers screaming in your head “IT’S TIME, WE’RE COMING OUT NOW”.
And that’s when you felt it, the worst pain that you had ever felt in your life.
It felt like someone punched your dick until the top grew a vagina and an anus at the same time, and now you had to take a huge shit, but you were really constipated.
At that point, the birth started, you were very confused because instead of two fully grown men coming out of your penis, there was just a stream of shit.
You were perplexed by how shit was coming out of your newly formed dick for a few seconds, but then the pain started.
“HOLY FUCK”. You shouted at the top of your lungs, it felt like your entire body was ripping open starting from your dick.
About eight hours later, when you thought it would never end, the shit finally stopped, and all at once the pain subsided, and you looked down to find that your dick was gone.
“It’s beautiful” you hear Kevin Jonas whisper lewdly.
Kevin Jonas’ steamy voice drawing your attention.
“Oh my…” you say under your breath. There sitting right in front of you, taking up about 60% of the room, a giant perfectly shaped turd.
“B-b-b-but I-I thought I was giving birth” you mumble embarrassed that the birth had not gone as planned.
“No,” Kevin Jonas muttered carnally, “it’s perfect.”
And that’s when you noticed the crack in the turd, you stared at it in confusion, when you say it cracking even more.
When the crack reaches the floor, you stared in awe as the two halves broke apart and fell to the floor.
From the broken shit out sprung the other two Jonas brothers, fully clothed, just as Kevin Jonas has been and they looked as they had when they were in ‘camp rock’ just like Kevin Jonas did.
The doctor (being the same doctor as last time) loudly announced to the room, “seeing as the sex was quite peculiar last time, I must now check the sex of the other two.
” He opened Nick’s pants and declared “this one has a vagina!?” He then moved onto Joe and likewise pulled down his pants and disclosed to the room “this one just has a birdhouse!??? The fuck???”
Kevin Jonas looked giddy at the announcement and ran over to Joe, and opening Joe’s pants exclaimed “my bird house!!!!”
And Kevin Jonas was correct about that, instead of genitalia, Joe just had a birdhouse.
But that wasn’t the only shocking thing that happened, the shit that had just come out of your dick was disintegrating.
After all that had happened, most of these events didn’t shock you, but when you saw the shit disappear, you felt a sense of sadness,
as if your life’s work had just crumbled right in front of your eyes.
Kevin Jonas took your hands and looked straight in your eyes and said, “ thank you mother.
” Kevin Jonas pulled you in close and hugged you, He then kissed your cheek and you felt as though your life was complete.