A Widow's Lament

4:17 AM

I wake up every morning at the dawn of 4AM

With a burning in my chest, with a burning in my bed

It's like there's wild animals clawing at my skin

It's like I can't escape him but I scream and call for him

But he's nowhere to be found, because his spirit's taken flight

Exploring other galaxies, silencing his fight

But I'm left here all alone, in the middle of the night

With an ache that roots from deep inside, nothing is alright

And I

Hold my breath till my face turns blue

I think I've held it since I lost you

I mean, there's nothing else for me to hold

In our bed, so fucking cold,

I'm lost and sorrow takes its toll,

I'm searching, praying for his soul,

But

Is he praying for me? Is he looking for me?

Has the space between us grown too deep?

Am I talking to the fucking walls?

Waiting, praying for his call?

That I know will never come, but I

Keep staring at my phone

And I'm rereading our messages

So I don't feel so alone

But there's a heavy silence

That seems so very loud

And I can't contain this misery

I'm just a face in the crowd

And 4am is the time for lovers

For artists and for thought

But 4am is when I got the call

Telling me you were gone

So I wake up every morning

And I jolt awake in fear

Because the clock says 4,

My chest gets tight

When I see you're still not here.