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Visage depression stories
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madmanrambling
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Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
These thoughts are swirling in my skull A torrent of questions

Visage

These thoughts are swirling in my skull

These thoughts are swirling in my skull A torrent of questions

These thoughts are swirling in my skull A torrent of questions Void of answers

The wind howling from all directions

The wind howling from all directions It smothers me

There are whispers in the black deep sea

There are whispers in the black deep sea Voices of doubt and fear

There are whispers in the black deep sea Voices of doubt and fear I hear them as if they are pressed against my ear

Sea spray giving way to visions of a different reality

Sea spray giving way to visions of a different reality Confusion grips me

Sea spray giving way to visions of a different reality Confusion grips me Like a vice and squeezing tight

Some days I don't know what's in front of me

Some days I don't know what's in front of me A very real mirage

Some days I don't know what's in front of me A very real mirage Indistinguishable from reality

And all at once, suddenly and jarringly it's stripped away

And all at once, suddenly and jarringly it's stripped away With a slamming halt in the pit of my chest

As if a thick fog gave way to sharp and perilous rocks

As if a thick fog gave way to sharp and perilous rocks And I clamber against them.

Trying to understand just who and where I am

Some nights I lay awake

Some nights I lay awake With faces and emotions clawing at my mind

Some nights I lay awake With faces and emotions clawing at my mind Like dogs tearing at bone

It's inescapable

I don't know how to be me.

I don't know how to be me I don't know how to exist in your world without mine bleeding into it

I have tried

I have tried It's getting worse

The fractures and splinters in my mind grow like a cancer

The fractures and splinters in my mind grow like a cancer The pills stitch up the wounds.

The fractures and splinters in my mind grow like a cancer The pills stitch up the wounds But they don't heal

The fractures and splinters in my mind grow like a cancer The pills stitch up the wounds But they don't heal They fester and rot

The rest of my brain loses stability as the strands bulge to bursting and I lose who I was

I give way to this new me.

I give way to this new me. A quiet and dazed me

Someone who is quick to anger

Quick to frustration

I don't know who I dislike more

The one who loses touch with reality and feels the noose layed lightly around their neck and as if the edge of the world is a half step to either side

Or the one who can't speak or think

Or the one who can't speak or think Who never wants to move or breath but functions

Or the one who can't speak or think Who never wants to move or breath but functions Who feels like a ghost in their own skin

Why can't it be simple.

Why can't it be simple Some people have it so simple

No questions without answers

No questions without answers No echos or whispers

No questions without answers No echos or whispers No wind and no sea

Just life

I want life

I want life I want to feel like living is possible

I don't expect anything to be easy

But I am tired of it feeling impossible.

Each night as I fall towards my bed

Each night as I fall towards my bed I feel the next morning rushing up to meet me with the force of a train

As if each day I spent leaping from the roof tops and each night I come spiraling down to each morning crashing into me

The crest of a new roof top

I want to breath easy

I want to smile at the sunset

And be happy for each new sunrise.

I don't want pills and side effects

Or meditation or CBD

I want normality

I want normality Not chaos

I want normality Not chaos Just a life.

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