A Warrior without a Heart

macryano16 | perpetually confused | doodler
Autoplay OFF  •  7 months ago
(alternatively, "I Feel Guilty for Being Sad")

A Warrior without a Heart

We're entitled to our own thoughts and opinions, right?

I have the right to complain about sadness, to demand to be treated right, to crave happiness.

Am I wrong to do so?

When I have feelings of inadequacy, I should be able to express them.

Is that a crime?

Is it immoral to ask for support rather than criticism? Of course not.

I am justified in crying once in a while.

It is alright to indulge in self-pity every so often.

Then why do I feel horrible when I do?

Something inside of me scolds me for this behavior. It reasons, "There are people worried about hunger, and you're complaining about dysphoria?

There are many without an education,

and you're stressed because you can't handle the stress of applications for higher-level educational options?

While many fear that they will not make it past tomorrow,

you consider tying that rope around your neck because you refuse to confront yourself.

How is that justified? You're so selfish.

Try to consider the billions of other people in this world. Think about someone other than yourself."

It shouts at me when I'm feeling my worst,

yet it's the only thing that can convince me to pick my pathetic self up and keep trying.

"Smile, Child. You've nothing to complain about,"

it coos, leaving me with this singular request.

It's oblivious to the damage it's done:

I will never be able to recognize or acknowledge pain without the overwhelming feeling of guilt.

It's made me into a warrior--

a warrior without a heart.

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
7 months agoReply
The first thing you need to do it seek long term psychotherapy including counseling and medications. The second is acceptance of your life long personality disorder. The the third is to continue to function as best you can. I know that this is hard. Even warriors get wounded. Great job!!!

sydneyVerifiedco-creator of Commaful
7 months agoReply
Oh this is sooo true. I feel this often. There is always someone better and worse off. And it's always too easy to compare our successes and failures