A girl, who really like me was trying to help me stop the addiction. At first we were friends until one day we stayed up till 4.00 AM talking about life and problems that we face.
I knew she was going to be there from the very beggining. That night ... without knowing I was starting to fall in love. It is not she was a girl but it's because I felt that she was the one.
I asked her out, thinking she would accept my proposal but, I was wrong she told me that she felt so cormftable that she wouldn't risk our friendship ..
but little did she know that ahe pushed me away without knowing. It is not because of her , it is because of me becasue I couldn't accept that she rejected me.
I know it wasn't her intention but it still wasn't what I wanted . Things changed. We became strangers because i know I couldn't see her the way she wanted me to see her.
I couldn't stop thinking about her. One day I called her and asked her to meet up. She ckuldn't. She had a punish. She adked me to go to her house and of course I accepted.
In my way to her house I couldn't stop thinking and planning how should I kiss her but I just let things happen. I called her because i was infront of her door.
She opened the garage so we could stay alone to talk because it felt like we haven't seen each other for years. We talked and talked.
All the things we said yet I haven't told her all the things I wanted to say.
We talked about everythibg you could dream of: love,friends and problems such of the absence of her father and the absence of my mother but mostly we talked about my addiction.
We were each others shoulder to cry on. She was there when I needed her the most so in that time it felt the right tome to kiss her. I just couldn't control the feeling I have had .
She just made me feel so alieve , and I never felt like that before. She was my first true love . I know I love her because I fell in love with her way before we kissed.
That night was so long and I just did it. I moved near her and i put my lips on hers, in that time I was so excited and lost I didn't think she would kiss me back.
I was happy because it was what I really wanted.
But there was one problem I'm addicted so that makes me bad for her. I know she would accept me the way I am but her family won't mostly her brother.
So I had to choose what was the good for her even if that meant it will break her but I'm sure she will be better of without me I mean I hope so .
Now I'm lost I just feel so empty but I can't fix things now because I left her so broken. Although it was not my intention but that's what have happend .
Now she moved on I guess so I better not talk to her, because if I do I'm sure I will opend the scars she had been heeling for so long now .
Deep down we both no she love me so I just need to help her move on not make her close to me. I failed , she called me . I could hear her voice, it was so broken that she couldn't even speak.
I asked her what was happening. "I just want ro meet up I really need you" she said ... we met up at the playground.
She runned all the way to my arms, I could feel her tears falling down her face while saying I missed you.
My heart broke, I felt the pain she was going through because I was feeling the same way .
I just took her to my house and told hrr about the addiction I had for drugs worse than weed since I left her, yes I am refering to syntetic.
I wasn't proud of myself but I knew that I could be myself with her. She never judged me and that something else that made me fall in love with her , she was different she wanted the real me.
Time passes and we were still dating and honestly I fell completly in love with her but once again .. our relationship had to stop.
Her brother just saw our conversation and he wasn't happy that I am dating his little sister. He was my bestfriend and I couldn't fight with him ...
maybe because I wasn't that strong back then or maybe I didn't love her enough to put her above my friends. She was so broken and it was all my fault. I can blame no one else but me.
We met unexpectedly. She came to sit next to me with her wet eyes. Ummm I couldn't look her in the eyes because she was so broken because of me . I felt guilt but it was too late.
She was there when I needed I couldn't believe I put her through hell. She went home with her heart broken. I could see it from outside ,that's why I can imagine hiw broken she feels .
2 moths later she called and said she wanted to meet up. I couldn't resist because after all she was so good to me and she was there so yeah we meet out.
That day I just admited it that we can never be friends because I can't look at her and not kiss her .
But while we were not talking I just met a girl and I think I love her but I was sure she will never come back so I took her for granted.
I was honest , I told her all the things I have done while we were not talking.
I told her I love a girl and instead she running of my home she just smiled and said "it's okay I know what love feels like because I love you" she cried . I never heard her .
It was so new and unexpected . She told me she love me in both ways , friends and more than friends and that she wan't to help me.
She even gave me money so I could pay people I asked for money beacuse they were calling me all day long.
She help me to feel better because I was lonely , she knew that ai would break her heart but she still decieded to give me a chance . Today we don't talk I just got back with the girl I loved .
With the same girl that broke my heart. I can't imagine how she is feeling after all the pain I put her through. I didn't even said sorry. She pulled me out of my misery .