The first you visited I was 6. I don’t remember sleeping, I remember laying in bed and sitting at my desk in school crying, no not crying, sobbing. The second time you visited I was 8.
After that you became my friend
I wrapped your darkness around me like a second skin, I felt you talking and smiling, even laughing while using my shape. I let you take the helm.
It was never visiting after that
I had become your home. There were times you went on vacation and I breathed fresh air for the first time in months and times I fought against you the only way I could
It was easy
letting you engulf me; the pain became a second friend, as constant as my very heart beat, my every breath a laborious act to fill the empty inside.
I ache, you are very heavy, my body wearies
from wearing you and so I leave it behind sometimes. I run into never ending worlds, across mountains and through oceans, fighting other’s monsters and dragons so I don’t have to fight my own.
who am I without you?
You’ve been my skin for so long I don’t know how to live without you, you are growing and I’m getting weaker and weaker. Less able to walk around under your weight
I love and Hate you
You in your ever-present battle to both keep and lose me. this is my depression confession.