People say, " Don't be a fighter; Be a lover". But I grew up to love, to always please the people around me. My parents, especially my father and his company.
I never thought about pleasing myself, to do things for myself. But I think now is the time, the time to fight.
It started again, the yelling, the anger. I always seem to do thing wrong, don't I? I try to do what my father wants, but i always mess things up. And in the end I just get yelled at.
I never seem to be able to please my father. It's like I'm not even his son.
" How many times have I told you to do this?" my father yells. "I'm disappointed in you! You never listen! Do you even want to take over the family business?" he shouts.
' I never said that I wanted to take over the business, where did he get that idea from?' I thought as he rambles on about my failures.
" I'm trying my fucking best! Isn't that enough for you?" i ask my father and his eyes widen.
" Y-Your BEST?!" he yells. " How is that your best? If that is your best, than yes. It's not enough for me? You got that?" he says firmly. I can feel his anger, his rage.
" Nathan, do not yell at your son like that!" my mom says to my father firmly. And they start to fight. This was all getting out of hand, it went from fighting weekly to... daily.
It's getting too much for me.
"MY SON?" he shouts, his voice echoing throughout the house. " He is no son to me.
Clara could take his place! She could take over the company, she would be better than Haze!", he says and lets out a long breath.
' He said it, the truth. Clara would be a better owner, but she died before she would have been old enough to take over. My sister, my twin, who died two years ago. On August 18th, 10:40 p.
m, because of a car accident. My father always says that it was my fault, because i was always told to take care of her...
even if we were twins, but i always treated her like she was younger than me. And over the years, my father has blamed me, and I believe him' I thought and realised how bad this was getting.
My mom was yelling at my father... this is getting out of hand.
" I need to get out of here.." I mumble to myself. I then leave the house, not even turning back at my parents who are yelling for me to come back.
"Haze, come back this instant! You do not leave during a serious conversation!" he yells. I slowly shake my head and turn around towards them.
" A conversation? Is this really what you think a conversation is? This is not a conversation! This is a fight! When was the last time we had a normal, friendly conversation? Huh?
Its been forever!" I yell at my father. Heat started to rise to my cheeks and rage boiled in me. I was out of breath.
" Haze... please just.. come back. We can sort this" my mom says looking between me and my father. I shake my head and laugh.
"Do you really think we can sort this, mom? He despises me!" i say and point at him. I look at my mom and see her tearing up. I know this hurts her, seeing her husband and son fight.
We used to be close, but after she died... everything fell apart.
After being in silence for awhile, i turn around and walk away. I just can't handle all of this. it really does feel good to walk away from him.
After all these years (A/N hehehe Camila's song... comment if you know what i mean) I can finally fight.
~ ~ ~
I walked to the park near by, me and Clara used to come here when we were younger. I always come here to think and just to sort my thoughts.
I slowly walked through the park and made my way to the stone, her grave stone.
"Hey Clara... It's been awhile since I came here. I'm sorry about that..." I sighed. "Dad brought you up... again saying it was my fault. he isn't wrong.." I then chuckled.
"you've been gone for 3 years... Your always on my mind... you know" tears started to form, " I miss you so much... i.. i don't know how to handle this anymore.
all that me and Nathan does is fight. he doesn't consider me his son anymore... I'm so sorry, I didn't keep your promise. I couldn't keep it civil." i said with tears streaming down my face.
I began to think of the fight. "He... He just makes me so mad"
" Calm down Haze... breathe" i hear a whisper. I start to imagine her saying that and being here with me. Her, holding my hand and calming my nerves. Exhale, inhale. Exhale, inhale.
Exhale, inhale. i started to finally calm down and decided to go back "home".
Walking back i started to think about the fight again. What he said about my failures, how i'm no son to him, but especially about Clara.
She was so kindhearted, bold, carefree, and just wonderful. I wish i was like her, having confidence. but no,I'm the opposite.
After thinking about everything, i came to a conclusion. Leave. Have a small vacation away from my parents, especially my father. I can't handle the yelling anymore.
"Let's do this," I mumble to myself. I slowly walk to the big house across the street. The house I have to call my home.
I never understood what people meant when they said, " Home sweet home". I don't even understand the meaning of home, well at least not anymore.
Now i just feel like a bird locked in a cage, or a puppet being controlled.