I lost myself again
I started talking so much for no reason. Just nonsense for the sake of speaking...
I wanted to be seen and heard
But I didn’t want anyone to see my sorrow.
I lost my friends I lost my sense of home I lost my senses I lost control
The longest shadow was cast from the smallest moments
Guilt was sinking me slowly as I longed to join them
I wanted to be alone and couldn’t stand to be alone
The words that kept coming from my mouth haunted me The darkness found me repeating them in my mind To no end.
When I did sleep I dreamt of being lost in darkness Arms stretched out before me Feeling for the lights
Diminished by my own thoughts I became someone else
Someone unworthy of care Unworthy of affection Someone unworthy of love.
Every day I fought to be here Fought against my thoughts
I kept tossing back my sheets of a morning
I smiled and made small talk as I ordered my daily coffee...
When I had moments of feeling... I cried endlessly I cried in my sleep I cried like a child
Slowly I stopped wanting to be seen and heard so much
When I saw moments of joy I embraced them
I came to see myself as hurting and worthy again of friendship and affection
I finally saw myself as human.