The loudest noise
The loudest noise depression stories
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lukegreenwood
lukegreenwoodCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  4 months ago
The loudest noise I’ve ever heard Is the sound of no-one

The loudest noise

The loudest noise I’ve ever heard

Is the sound of no-one

knocking

Cut my ties in all fairness

The realisation

shocking

A loneliness crept in

Like the common cold

Is this what they meant?

Does this mean

I’m getting old?

When I reflect on what

came before

There was never many

at my door

So…

What is left to surmise?

That I’m not worthy

in other’s eyes?

Should I place the blame

on modern society?

Or my wish to be left

In part time sobriety?

Or that some took

More than they gave?

Or that I read too deeply

Into how others behave?

And the thoughts won’t stop

And the sound grows

louder

Some would turn to

piss, pills, pot or powder

…But

I’ll fester

in an awareness that’s keen

My love for the truth

often

Misinterpreted as mean

I just want to see

Things as they are

No matter the hurt

Remember the scar

But to see things

Just as they are

Leaves me bereft

Slipping down a mountain

Of sorrows I’ve kept

And the sound is a roar

Mashing my brain

Will I ever know

Equilibrium again?

I scroll

And I search

And I fill in the time

In my ivory tower,

claiming others are blind

Filling in cracks,

in the mask that I make

Posted pictures

that are

real

and too fake

“I am the sound and the sound is me”

Listening to Alan watts

on Zen philosophy

We are one

and one is all

Doesn’t help catch me

when I fall

Be here now, Buddha said(?)

Mindfulness is key

My here is no-where now,

And now no-where is me

And I always seem

to be chasing my tail

Ouroboros

at the pace of a snail

looking back

at what I have written

It seems that I’ve chewed

more than I’ve bitten

Is this why I seem

to get nowhere quick?

Ouroboros

chokes on his own prick

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