It has been quite some time, but she has the power to linger in my thoughts till now. The first meet was when I was in 9th standard. I was overweight. It was not that much but was observable.
My school had a bad eminence and, it was well deserved. Teachers picked on me being overweight.
When they did it, what would I expect from my classmates? I told my parents that I wanted to lose weight.
They thought that I was going on the wrong path, trying to get female attention which would divert me from my academics.
They changed my diet to more carbs, I started to gain more weight, School started to make even more fun of me. Everything was a massacre, I was a massacre.
I was thrown to a private coaching center which had small batches and a "worse when you get to know" tutor.
After getting wrecked there for 3 years, being even more of a pummeled, overweight dreck, I met the girl, my 1st crush.
The school had such bad name, a candidate from there would struggle to make friends outside its boundaries. And I was a wreck myself.
No sports, no extra curriculars, no care for kid's wellbeing , the only thing was it was a school, and provided education.
The candidates used to talk in bad ways everywhere which was another +1 to school's bad eminence. Teachers made fun of the students if they were poor.
If a student scored bad marks, they were mocked by the teachers in crowd. Any complaints against them would impact your reports.
The batches in the tuition was small. Others were from reputed and expensive schools. They always made me aware of the kind of crap I was.
I was quite similar to them in academic performance, but they toppled me in every other fields. Their way to talk, walk, react to situation was quite alienating.
But, I managed to hold my ground given the persistent idiot I was. I thought they wouldn't be the same. I was never more wrong.
2 years passed, I told my parents I wanted to go to a different tutor, but they were reluctant.
The kids were of the same nature, I didn't know how to tackle shame, I didn't even know how to talk properly. I was so shy, a little contact with a girl crippled me.
After 1 more year, they left due to some issues with the tutor.
I became silent. Talked to no one, showed no emotions, made no friends, sat at a corner in a room. I arrived 1 day, saw a new boy and a girl from same school.
He was from rich family, was bad at academics, was talkative, smoked, drank. She was bad at academics too, but was better than the boy. They didn't talk to me.
I looked like garbage, smelled like garbage, but now, excelled at academics.
1 day, I arrive at the tuition, and I see the girl. Sitting at the corner I sat on, so I had to opt for another. She looked basic, was cute, and had an even cuter smile.
She "seemed" polar opposite of the kinds I met till now. 1st time in years, I wanted to talk to someone.
I got to know that she was from the same school as some of the previous kids and was heart-broken. I had no hope.
That boy, started to tinker around her, flirting with her, and at sight, it seemed that he was good at it. I was in pain. Alcohol would've helped. Death even more so, but I wasn't that weak.
Neither I had the guts to talk to her, nor I had the power to do something about the boy flirting. I tanked it all but, started to feel even more sad.
Good thing, the girl didn't like the flirts, so she straight told him to stop. He didn't listen, she complained the tutor.
The other day, still one of the best days of my life, I arrived a little late with my jiggly belly, She was early. She looked and smiled at me.
It felt warm, and I gave her a smile back with my disgusting round face. With all my strength, I picked myself up and instead of a sly corner, I decided to sit beside her.
There was distance, but it was shorter. I didn't have the guts to initiate a conversation. She, decided to make it easy for me and greeted me with a "Hi!".
I fainted for a brief moment of excitement and with my crippling voice, I said a weak "Hello!". She smiled and asked me my school's name. I knew it would have a bad sting, but I had no option.
I said the name. The sting was strong. As was the reputation of my school, and she tried to hide it but, I saw it. I thought it was over, but then, she started to talk more.
She asked about my favorite subject, my hobbies, etc. It was like the ocean of happiness for me that day. I had 1 advantage. I was better than her at academics.
I thought that, that was the reason she talked. She wanted help with her hOmeWoRk. I was partially right. But at least, she talked.
For a brief time, I just forgot that I was thrash. I told my parents to buy me smartphone. I told them I needed it to communicate with my school and my teachers easily. Of course I lied.
I just wanted it to exchange texts with her. It was like, I had butterflies in my tummy, tickling me to talk to her.
THE OTHER BOY AND GIRL
The boy, not a nuisance anymore, talked to everyone except the girl I liked. I was happy about it. The other girl held her initial stand and didn't initiate any conversation.
However, I didn't care.
Strange but, both of them left the tuition. I partially liked it, but still have no idea why. But now, for some time, it was only me and my crush in the batch.
He was a strange man. At first, he was bothersome about the way he talked. He brought up my previous history a lot. It almost seemed like he took pleasure from it.
My parents trusted anyone quite quick and then, started to share the things that should stay inside the family. It included my previous deeds, my parent's expectations from me, etc.
This man, started to bring all the things he knew about me and my family in front of the girl. These things don't matter when making friends, but we were young.
I was 15, she was 16, we were dumb. It all started with my mistake, like, while solving questions.
He first shamed me, Then, started to the girl like "You know, his parents are expecting too much from him" and a lot after that. She listened, looked at me, I felt embarrassed.
This was everyday now.
Things seemed normal. But later, she and started to act like she didn't know me. Stopped initiating any conversation.
I wouldn't say it completely due to the things the tutor said, but it must have played a part. Maybe she wasn't just interested in talking to me anymore, but, it was not her fault.
The way I was, even I wouldn't talk to me. She talked when she needed help, not a surprise.
Sad, Like a plant which didn't receive sunlight, I, was all, a wreck. I wanted these times to end. I wanted my school years to end. I wanted to know what happened, what was in her mind.
But most probably, she didn't even care about it. Maybe I was thinking too much. Maybe, I took her, talking to me, a little too seriously.
THE NEW BOY
I did see him some times on another batch. Most from that batch left so he was merged with us. He became my friend quite quick. We had same name. He was funny, talked nicely. It was a threat.
It was easy for him too as I was thrash. He was fit, looked nice, and the tutor never ridiculed him like he did me. Maybe he paid more money(I don't know).
Later, it was known that he had lost his father. The tutor would compare both of us and find more reasons to pick against me. Its comical now but, it was miserable back then.
The girl would laugh, the boy would feel proud, I would be embarrassed, and I have no idea what kind of fetish the tutor had.
The peculiarity was, she didn't initiate any conversation with him too. I thought, maybe, there was some problem I didn't know about.
The tutor, decided to arrange a picnic where we and our families could join. All 3 of us went there. My family too. She talked to everyone, except me. The picnic was supposed to be "fun".
I was an idiot who thought it could be fun.
10th standard was the last year the tutor taught. A miserable journey. I was partially sad about it as I probably wouldn't see the girl. But I was glad that it ended. I still had her number.
I texted her which in itself wasn't a problem as she was casual about it. But, you do need a topic to talk about when you don't see each other anymore.
I thought I was smart, asked her to send me some of her math book's exercise as our school affiliations were different.
She sent twice, and probably saw through it, or just didn't want to send anything, and texted "I have mores tuff to do, and, cannot keep sending you exercises".
I didn't stop there. I kept finding ways to talk to her to which, after some time, she texted "Kindly stop texting and irritating me". So I Stopped. For sometime. I was addicted to her.
I wanted more of it.
The tutor, arranged an helping for orphans. And, that was the only reason(other than that that I was an idiot) I joined him.
When I got there, to my pleasant and hurtful surprise, I wasn't the only one invited to join. There were many others including the new boy I wrote about, and HER.
She sat right at a corner, and I was SHIVERING. Not because of the texting incident, but because I remembered the picnic. It went as expected. She, talking to everyone except me, me being hurt.
The cycle cycled.
I was sure an idiot. But, I denied my loss. I texted her again. She did do the formality of asking about me, but it was cold as it was supposed to be.
This time, I directly asked her why did she get irritated. As if it wasn't obvious. She said she didn't remember. Must be that she didn't want to talk about it. Or she was least bothered.
Anyways, I have no idea what crossed into my mind, I asked her to meet. The girl didn't even want to talk me and I, and I asked her to meet. Well, she refused. And after a text or two.
Her last text was "I've many headaches in life, don't be another". We never contacted each other ever since.
Every mistake you do has a lesson and, you have to take it as it is.