Happy Thor's Day!
                Happy Thor's Day! thor: ragnarok stories
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lothirielswan
lothirielswan Love, fortune and glory to you!
Autoplay OFF   •   3 months ago
In honor of this Thor's Day, Luis retells the story of "Thor: Ragnarok".

Happy Thor's Day!

Luis: Hey Commaful! This is Luis, Scotty's best friend, and he told me to come over here and tell you this baller Thor story.

So it starts off with Thor hanging from the ceiling, like that Spider-dude, and he's talking to this super chill skeleton.

Then he tumbles down in front of this guy from the Diablo video game.

And the Diablo Dude's all like, "Thor, you'll never stop my master plan!"

And Thor hits back with, "But that's what heroes do, yo! And I'm gonna steal your tiara!"

And so Diablo Dude and Thor start fighting and it's so hot and intense.

Then Thor takes Diablo's tiara, and all of these weirdo-dudes start coming after him! And that big dragon, Deathwing, from World of Warcraft shows up!

So Thor's flying away and he's like, "Heimdall, my best bro! Remember me, when we used to roll together? I need you, bro!"

And so this huge light tornado comes down and sucks Thor out of the sauna, and into space.

Then Thor is back on Asgard, his super tight spot, and this random guy with tattoos is there. And Thor's all like, "Hey, man! Where's my best friend, Heimdall?"

And this Tattoo Guy who's basically the new butler of his house is like, "Odin tried to arrest him but Heimdall was like, 'nah, see ya later homie' and split on him."

So Thor starts thinking, and he shoots off into the air, superman style. And there's this huge gold statue of Loki and this auditorium with horns shaped like his helmet.

Thor lands next to this play goin' on, reenacting his brother's death, and it's all emotional and moving. It's so dope!

Then it ends and Thor turns to Odin and he's all like, "I know it's you, bro!"

And Odin turns back into Loki, who's like, "Dang, bro! You're messing up my spot here!"

And Thor is super mad, 'cause he can't believe his brother is alive and faked his death again, and makes Loki help him find their dad who is a super jerk.

So they end up back on earth, and Loki's taken by this wizard with a crazy cool mustache! Super crazy cool!

Over drinks with the super cool wizard, Thor's like, "Yo, I want my brother back and I wanna know where Odin is 'cause family is everything, man!"

And the wizard caves and does this mean voodoo spell, sending Thor and Loki to this dramatic cliff by the ocean, and Odin is there!

And Odin's all like, "My sons, I miss your mom, yo," But Thor's like, "Don't go, dude!" And Odin fades away like a powerpoint animation.

Then Thor gets super mad and these clouds roll in. And he says to Loki, "You killed our dad, bro! That's not cool!"

But then this portal opens and this super fine lady walks out and she's all like, "I'm worse, bro, 'cause I'm your sister, Hela!" And Hela breaks Thor's hammer!

Thor and Loki escape and end up lost in space while Hela goes back to Asgard, and she goes full-on purge on everybody, and makes the Tattoo Guy her personal butler.

Back in space, Thor and Loki are sent to this planet that's run by a super-fly guy called the Grandmaster, with a gold bathrobe! And this super-fly warrior woman kidnaps Thor and sell him to the bathrobe guy!

And the Grandmaster's all like, "You can't leave unless you beat my champion! We're super tight!"

And Thor's all like, "I can do that, yo!" Then Thor cuts off his hair, puts on some baller makeup, and enters the arena.

Then the champion shows up, and it's the Hulk! So Thor fights his best friend, trying to remind him of all their best friend moments. And the Grandmaster doesn't like this, so he tasers Thor and he goes down hard!

So Thor hatches a plan to leave the alien planet. And he recruits his best friend, the warrior chick with a drinking problem, and his shady brother, and they all turn into this team call the Revengers, and it's super dope!

So they steal the Grandmaster's ship and escape into this huge portal called the Devil's Anus. Then they arrive back at Asgard, where Thor's sister, Hela, is still having a major purge.

The super-fly warrior chick goes to save the Asgardians with the Hulk as Thor faces his sister. And Thor's all like, "Our dad was totally messed up, bro!"

And Hela's like, "Yeah, man. He sucked hard, and we were gonna conquer the entire universe and then he bailed on me, and then had you, and you stole my sibling spotlight! You're going down, bro!"

So they're fighting hardcore and Hela pokes Thor in the eye. Then Thor gets all supercharged like the energizer bunny and electrocutes his sister, and takes out tons of her minions!

But Hela's like, "You can't take me out, bro! I'm unstoppable!"

So Thor send his brother, Loki, to go get Surtur's tiara that he stole and summons him back. And Thor sacrifices his hangout to take down his sister!

So Thor and the Revengers escape with the Asgardian survivors, and Thor enters the bridge and takes his chair just like Captain Kirk, and then he's like, "Let's go to Earth, homies!"

The end :D

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