I'm in a place where nothing makes much sense. I don't have a game plan. I just take it day by day. This really scares me. I don't like the unknown.
I know I can't predict the future, but I used to feel as if I were in control of it. Everything is spiraling out of control. I am lost. Every day feels wasted.
Wasted because it was the same as the day before. This stagnation is taking a toll on me. I need to regain control. I need to have a plan.
I need to have an idea of what's out in the distance. I need a sign.
A shadow. A silhouette. A distinct sound. A feeling. A voice. A vision.
A vision of what's to come. A vision of a plan. A vision of a new, bolder, better day.
I need a vision of tomorrow.
Not that Deja Vu vision of events that I'm pretty sure occurred and leave me feeling a deep sense of confusion.
Not that vision of anticipation. Anticipation: dream-like symptoms turned nightmare.
Not that vision of what I want. No not again. But that vision of what's lost. That vision of the missing mission.
Yes, that vision. The one I didn't conjure up in my head or in my heart.
That vision that is firmly planted in my mind's eye and transitions to my brain. That vision that is then processed in the various areas of my brain.
Then I will be able to see it. I will be able to feel it. I will be able to hear it.
Olfaction will be introduced to the vision gradually. Perhaps it will also have gustatory sensations.
Until then. Life. Is a vision in progress.