The sound of laughter filled the 7th grade English classroom.
Not laughter of a story or movie but aimed at a student
The gangly boy stood in front of the laughing, shouting class, head hung slightly as the short teacher laughed and clapped with the crowd
That was a great one she cackled come on some more! Hey where do you get your hair cut? Are those goodwill cloths?
Have you ever had a friend? Yeah right who would friend him? A blind person maybe!! Oh and they would need to be deaf as well!!! The laughter grew
Well we know he’s a virgin! I doubt he know what a woman’s anatomy is do you!?! Hysterically added the teacher.
I tried to close my mind, but I could not block a single word during the 20 minutes I was stood in front of the class
I dared to try and answer a question about the assignment on the Scarlet letter and the teacher used that as yet another excuse to show me what I was
Nothing was against the rules to be said at me. And I learned that to try and stand up or reach out made things worse by ten fold
Laugh after laugh, attack after attack my soul, heart and core where scarred deeper and deeper.
I never had a friend in school after 3rd grade and the teacher seemed to want me to know why.
I was per them ugly, useless, awkward, different, a loser, a freak, unlovable, unlikable and the most unpopular kid in the school
They offered a plane ticket one way if I left and never came back the teacher pledging 20 dollars herself
This event made me realize I did not fit in, and even today don’t feel I do. It killed the light in my life and soul
It also did start a series of inner events. My mind started to learn to build walls, to blank my face through any attack, to stop hoping or believing in myself
That day I changed and I cried all night. I realized I was truly not wanted and forever a freak to be alone