As I lay awake unable to sleep,
My thoughts at war from the days events,
I realize the hurt so steady, so strong.
When did things go so terribly wrong?
I sleep alone most every night,
But dream of being in my husband's arms held so tight.
I tell myself it's nothing, ignore it.
But if loneliness is nothing, why do I feel so broken?
It's hurt for so long, and I've tried to control it.
With each night alone, it grows more intense.
That aching, can't breath feeling of a love that may no longer exist.
The lump in your throat and eyes pouring tears down your cheeks till you fall asleep.
Every morning I look in his eyes,
With a hope and desire not like any other.
That maybe he will see me, and realize just how much I care.
That his love is everything and I need him there.
He looks right through me, as if I don't exist.
Can't he see this hollow grave he's digging in my chest?
Days go by, then weeks,then months.
The loneliness stays, as my hope turns to dust.
I'm lost, broken, and searching for myself.
Loneliness has become my only friend.
Deeper and deeper my heart sinks.
Till it's drowning in unrelinquishing hurt and sadness.
Hope is gone, but death came knocking.
Death, a door I kept locked and bolted,
No longer sounds threatening, so I contemplate throwing it wide open.
I said my vows, my heart and soul poured into every word.
I gave you my heart, my love, my dreams, my life.
Couldn't you please show me that I mean something as your wife?