I killed myself last week… And I woke up here.
At first I thought I was still on Earth, and then I figured I was in hell… but… now I think I’m just somewhere in between.
I think I made a mistake by offing myself. I don’t know, I try not to dwell on it.
In some ways, killing myself was the coolest thing I ever did. But I mean it’s like everything else I ever thought was cool; I’m just embarrassed about it now.
Back while I was alive, things were pretty crappy but I don’t think they were as bad as I thought they were…
I had a dog and there was always pizza and… goodnight kisses and apple pie and all that gooey shit to look forward to…
I got my heartbroken though. In the end, that’s what really did me in. That and other things.
He was cool… to say the least. He had a laugh that literally pulled my laugh out of me… and he smelled like autumn and clean laundry and sleep.
He played the piano and brought reusable grocery bags to the store and needed glasses to read.
He broke my heart the second week of August, when he died.
But that wasn’t why I ended up here. I thought being dead would make me stop missing people, but it only made it worse.
Ugh, but now I’m dwelling on it.
Otherside, where I ended up, kind of reminds me of Home only it’s shittier. I spend a lot of time wondering what happens to people when they die.
I wonder where he is, because he isn’t here.
Everyone in Otherside offed themselves too… I’ve never met a single person who was murdered.
Once I met a guy who said he’d had cancer when he was alive, and instead of going through chemo and radiation and putting his family in debt, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.
He claimed he shouldn’t have ended up in Otherside, yet here he was.
There’s not a lot of gray area here. That’s another thing I miss about being alive… the gray area… the space in between
Death is so absolute, it’s depressing.
And even in death... I miss him every day.