I replied earlier today to your text. You just didn't see it.
I wrote everything I wanted to say to you,
All the love and heartbreak you've caused me,
But as soon as I wrote it I deleted the text, exterminating the words with a simple touch.
I don't think I have the guts to tell you in an honest way how I feel.
I could lie to you all day and say I'm okay.
But in all reality you broke me.
I know it's stupind and probably pathetic too,
And trust me, my intentions aren't to guilt trip you,
I just want you to understand.
So please as I spill my heart's contents on the page in front of me,
Will you at least try to understand?
I love you, and no that's not it.
I also adore you,
I wanted to get lost in your words and especially your eyes when you said those words.
But your eyes weren't a place for wonder when your lips I longed to kiss mouthed the word "can't"
As if loving me was something you were incapable of doing.
And it was that realization that had hurt above all.
Incapable of loving me.
Because I swear to god,
On a stack of bibles,
In front of jesus himself,
That I wasn't incapable of loving you.
In fact I loved you with every ounce of myself
It was with you, that all my thoughts, my constant anxiety of what's to come,
But now since you've been gone, and we can't seem to talk without arguing about the subject,
I haven't gotten a good night's sleep.
Instead I toss and turn,
I beg god to take me in my sleep, but sleep never comes, because I wasn't used to not having my other half telling me goodnight.
And if you did say goodnight it wasn't on facetime with a simple curve of your lips as you formed the word, as if you wanted to see me again,
No, instead it was after an argument on why it was all a mistake.
I promise you'll never see this.
Because I don't want you to.
I want to forget all about you.
I don't want to wake up anymore at 3 a.m. panicking because I just had a nightmare about losing you all over again.
I know you say you didn't have enough time to fall for me.
But I promise I did,
It didn't take long for you to say all the things you said,
Therefore why would it take me long to fall for someone I had already fallen for years ago?
So maybe instead of assuming that there was nothing there to begin with, take a look at this.