She loves control
She loves control poem stories
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liliwrites
liliwrites 20, bio/psyc student.
Autoplay OFF   •   5 months ago
"She loves control" a poem I wrote in a twenty minute free form manner. I put pen to paper and let my words pour onto the pages, and exposed my deepest vulnerability to you. I hope you enjoy.

She loves control

At least that's what she tells herself

laying in bed at night alone.

In reality she loves being able to hold all of the cards

and not having to give up a single one

only to have it returned bent or torn.

She's figured out a way to be kind, and caring

without truly letting anyone in,

and without having to sacrifice her already fragile mental state.

Instead of brick walls shielding her from everyone,

she stands behind prison bars.

People can see her,

but they can't get in.

while this may have been a safe haven

it quickly turned sour.

Like Icarus,

drunk on power

and too close to the sun,

what was once a place to heal

Quickly turned into a place that kept her isolated from everyone.

While she thought she loved control

She realized she loved invulnerability.

The lack of vulnerability kept her in isolation

and in this cell of loneliness

all she longed for was a love to call her own.

Trapped in an ongoing circle

of fear,

isolation,

vulnerability,

and pain,

she couldn't find out

how to work love or companionship into the equation.

Having been burned to many times

and plummeting back down to earth

she feared the wax wings

that would allow her to soar.

She wasn't afraid of falling,

she was afraid of the impact;

the pain that comes with love.

Poor Cupid,

with all of his arrows destined to pierce her skin

only to be ricocheted off of the metal bars surrounding her heart.

Her hope lay in an imaginative figure

smart enough to break the lock

or find his way through the bars

as she couldn't see herself

finding a way out anymore.

She longs for skin touching skin

both sexual and freeing

as well as comforting and warm.

She longs for intimacy and freedom,

while maintaining independence and a sense of self.

She wants the courage it takes to be vulnerable,

because she is scared to be lonely,

and even more scared to be "his".

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