I remember the day I heard the news The buzz of my phone ringing out an upbeat song The “hello” from my friend, not quite right Something wrong.
I remember the halting and pause of her words “It’s Rowan. He’s dead. Suicide” She said
I remember my utter refusal to believe Grasping and hoping there was some mistake Silence It’s the sound of your heart when you break
I remember the days that followed in pieces Cold Walking Trees Eating Train Walking, waking, wishing.
I remember we met, all our friends, to talk We laughed, we cried, we drank to your name Sorting through memories Heedless of pain.
I remember, and this one, it cuts me most deep Your funeral, the crowding, too many to fit Too many people mourning your loss Far too much sorrow, we’re not built for it
I remember your mother, your father and friends, The tears of your sister, the words that were said And the photos and songs Over your final bed.
I remember the things I wish I did not I know how you did it, and by whom you were found Their desperate attempts to understand why And the sight of your ashes, lost under a mound
I remember so much, and I wish you had too, The laughter and smiles that ever followed you The love that was yours from many a friend I wish, and I hope, you took that to your end. I have so many regrets, so much left unsaid, But now it’s too late, not enough, now you’re dead.
So now I look, reader, to you I’ve felt how it feels to wish for an end, To hope, without reserve for any way out, To just need it to stop, To be without hope, without future, and more To know that death is the only way through. But please, just remember my words, and my friend
It’s never too late, it’s never the end, While you still breathe, that breath is hope, That breath is your future, That breath is enough. Just please, please keep breathing And give life a chance, And one day you’ll sing, you’ll laugh and you’ll dance.
And one day you’ll look back, And realise you’ve grown From that place of despair, Hope can be sown And blossom and spread And one day you’ll smile at the life that you’ve led So please carry on, just one more day, Until you can look back in wonder and say
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