And, I guess, yeah, that’s my biggest fear.
That moment after I’ve graduated, worked through a few jobs to finally settle down into one, and found my “it."
you know, like, the thing you settle into
the thing they told you after high school and college you’d find: your thing, your place
what if my It begins each day with heavy eyelids
and weighted toes, stumbling out of bed at 6AM so that I may dress myself — pencil skirt, heels, black mascara
grudge into the nearest coffee shop to buy, let’s see
a venti mocha no whip and two shots of espresso. keep the change please.
what if my It carries me to my desk job each day where I do
what is it called? You did good work today, miss. Thank you, sir.
what if my It demands a tight schedule
of phone calls of humans I have barely acquainted myself with and mismatched blind dates
what if my It is so deeply unsatisfying that
that I numb myself to the coldness of the routine and the falsity of the scenes and my own, slowly suffocating heart beating
because I was told my worth was as good as my It.
so It’s all I’d ever hope to be
and all I'd ever dare to become
And that was it.