It
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lexi
lexitrains of thought
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
a thing i'm terrified of

It

by lexi

And, I guess, yeah, that’s my biggest fear.

That moment after I’ve graduated, worked through a few jobs to finally settle down into one, and found my “it."

you know, like, the thing you settle into

the thing they told you after high school and college you’d find: your thing, your place

your "it."

what if my It begins each day with heavy eyelids

and weighted toes, stumbling out of bed at 6AM so that I may dress myself — pencil skirt, heels, black mascara

grudge into the nearest coffee shop to buy, let’s see

a venti mocha no whip and two shots of espresso. keep the change please.

what if my It carries me to my desk job each day where I do

what is it called? You did good work today, miss. Thank you, sir.

what if my It demands a tight schedule

of phone calls of humans I have barely acquainted myself with and mismatched blind dates

what if my It is so deeply unsatisfying that

that I numb myself to the coldness of the routine and the falsity of the scenes and my own, slowly suffocating heart beating

because I was told my worth was as good as my It.

so It’s all I’d ever hope to be

and all I'd ever dare to become

And that was it.

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