One obscene summer day, an eighty kilogram cheese wheel rolled down a suburban street. This however, was not just any run of the mill cheese wheel. It in fact, had a yeast infection and went by the name of Chad.
As Chad kept rolling, residents of the neighborhood he had invaded gawked in amazement at this hulking wheel of Cheese with a yeast infection.
The residents decided they had to do something about this outrageous being. Their solution was to call down the pope from over in the Vatican.
Now the pope was quite a reasonable man being Gods representative on earth and all, but he just knew that Satan was at work in the doings of this Cheese. If the cheese was maybe thirty kilos, then John Paul II may not have been so suspicious, but every single wheel of cheese that he had ever been graced by weighing eighty kilos had been out to get him.
When the monstrous wheel of cheese appeared before the pope, it towered over the little old man. Suddenly, Chad started to roll over the pope. Unfortunately, given the popes frail state, he passed away from his injuries shortly later. Chad however, had gracefully avoided his demise.
After the whole pope debacle, the residents looked at their options and realized that only one possible thing could ever defeat Chad and his Satanic yeast infection. What was this solution?
It was Shrek.
When Shrek lumbered down the street towards the devilish dairy product, the entire neighborhood roared with applause. If things went well that day, then they would hopefully finally be rid of the terrible Chad.
When the two titans met, instead of immediately engaging in violence, they simply stared at each other. This went on for days without rest until finally, a week after they first encountered, Shrek struck Chad causing him to fly into the upper reaches of the atmosphere, where he burned to nothing at a speed of seven kilometers per second.
The community rejoiced! They were finally rid of the great fiend that had terrorized them for over a month. They could finally rest without fear of either being rolled over by an eighty kilogram Cheese wheel, or contracting a severe yeast infection. Shrek was praised and became a local deity. He was even rewarded his very own swamp outside of the suburbs where he remains to this day.