against my will
against my will scared stories
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lavender_willow
lavender_willow the tides of my mind are not gentle
Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
I reformatted and reposted this. The original is titled "I do take part in occasional warfare, though it is always against my will."

against my will

Though she tries her hardest to distract herself,

Though she tries her hardest to distract herself, her mind always wanders back to him.

He is her demon,

He is her demon, the ever-present ghost

He is her demon, the ever-present ghost that has haunted her

He is her demon, the ever-present ghost that has haunted her since she was three years old.

He lingers at the edges of her consciousness,

He lingers at the edges of her consciousness, waiting patiently

He lingers at the edges of her consciousness, waiting patiently for a crack in her paper-thin walls to open.

Constantly he threatens to sneak in

Constantly he threatens to sneak in and consume her mind in its entirety.

It doesn't take much for her walls to fracture;

It doesn't take much for her walls to fracture; perhaps she hears a word that reminds her,

It doesn't take much for her walls to fracture; perhaps she hears a word that reminds her, or she lets her thoughts wander for a second too long.

Maybe someone around her

Maybe someone around her unknowingly mentions his name,

Maybe someone around her unknowingly mentions his name, or they take a joke too far-

Maybe someone around her unknowingly mentions his name, or they take a joke too far- even just one small fissure is enough for him to leak in.

Once a little piece of him infiltrates her thoughts,

Once a little piece of him infiltrates her thoughts, the rest of her walls shatter,

Once a little piece of him infiltrates her thoughts, the rest of her walls shatter, as if they were made of glass.

She feels chills take root underneath her skin

She feels chills take root underneath her skin as she scrambles desperately to pick up the pieces and rebuild,

She feels chills take root underneath her skin as she scrambles desperately to pick up the pieces and rebuild, to keep him out...

She feels chills take root underneath her skin as she scrambles desperately to pick up the pieces and rebuild, to keep him out... but it's no use.

He is already there,

He is already there, clouding her vision,

He is already there, clouding her vision, reducing everything safe and familiar

to nothing more

to nothing more than a mass

to nothing more than a mass of blurry shades.

She begins trembling as her emotions slip away from her,

She begins trembling as her emotions slip away from her, drained and replaced by varying hues of fear.

A headache forms,

A headache forms, its pounding accompanied

A headache forms, its pounding accompanied by his suffocating grip.

She hurriedly gasps for air

She hurriedly gasps for air with quick and shallow breaths,

She hurriedly gasps for air with quick and shallow breaths, terrified her throat will close up,

She hurriedly gasps for air with quick and shallow breaths, terrified her throat will close up, leaving her to choke

till she finds his memory in the dark.

She feels her fragile heart clench in her chest,

She feels her fragile heart clench in her chest, feels the way it bends,

She feels her fragile heart clench in her chest, feels the way it bends, the way it's characteristically defiant beating

She feels her fragile heart clench in her chest, feels the way it bends, the way it's characteristically defiant beating is silenced by the mere thought

She feels her fragile heart clench in her chest, feels the way it bends, the way it's characteristically defiant beating is silenced by the mere thought of facing him once more.

Tremors wind up and down her spine,

Tremors wind up and down her spine, reaching their relentless tendrils out across her weak limbs.

In seconds,

In seconds, he turns her to ice.

Fear has frozen the blood in her veins,

Fear has frozen the blood in her veins, leaving her with violently shaking hands,

Fear has frozen the blood in her veins, leaving her with violently shaking hands, fingers a lifeless blue.

Her tired eyes are made dark by shadows of horror and agony,

Her tired eyes are made dark by shadows of horror and agony, and though she tries,

Her tired eyes are made dark by shadows of horror and agony, and though she tries, she cannot stop the glistening tears that fall from their depths.

She clenches her jaw and winces

She clenches her jaw and winces as she struggles with all her might

She clenches her jaw and winces as she struggles with all her might to push the images away.

She fights yet another battle

She fights yet another battle in the never-ending war

She fights yet another battle in the never-ending war that has raged inside her head for years,

but her efforts are in vain.

Unlike the mortal heart that beats in her chest,

Unlike the mortal heart that beats in her chest, her demon does not tire.

He is bigger,

He is bigger, stronger,

He is bigger, stronger, older.

He has every advantage,

He has every advantage, and she knows she can't win.

She can't escape him...

She can't escape him... so she simply shuts her eyes

She can't escape him... so she simply shuts her eyes and pleads for him to go away.

She cries out,

she screams in pain,

she yells at the top of her lungs for help,

but nobody can hear,

but nobody can hear, for it is all in her mind.

Every plea is silenced;

Every plea is silenced; they don't matter anymore.

She's already lost.

He is the winner of this battle.

He is the winner of this battle. But by no means has she lost the war.

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